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Showing posts with label Michael Fassbender. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Michael Fassbender. Show all posts

Monday, September 12, 2016

'The Lunatic, The Lover, and The Poet' by Myrlin A. Hermes

Let’s talk about The Lunatic, The Lover, and The Poet by Myrlin A. Hermes, because this book blew my mind. Be warned there may be SPOILERS in this post.


I learned about it from this post.

I couldn’t get it out of my head. Books that have well-rounded bisexual characters are few and far between anyway, and this novel’s locating its 2011 Lambda Literary Award-winning bisexual character within an exceedingly thorough re-imagining of William Shakespeare’s Hamlet made this a must-have inside my greedy little brain.

Hermes gives us a love triangle between Hamlet, Horatio, and her original character Adriane, Baroness of Maricourt. It’s not a love vee, in which Hamlet and Horatio are each separately in love with Adriane. Horatio is in love with Hamlet, Hamlet is in love with Horatio, Horatio is also in love with Adriane, and Adriane is using them both in an intricate chess game for her own literary and personal ends.


Adriane. Oh, Adriane. She’s a difficult woman, and she tries extremely hard to turn Hamlet and Horatio against each other (at the same time she’s trying to make their love immortal in poetry), but you can’t end up hating her. Like Lady Macbeth before her, she has to do what a woman has to do for her ambition’s sake. Unlike Lady Macbeth, she won’t have to live to regret it, and she won’t be punished by the author for it.

Recognizable lines from Macbeth are woven into the dialogue and narration of this novel, as are lines from a number of Shakespeare’s most famous sonnets and other plays. Sometimes they’re consciously created by the characters as they’re creating art within the context of the novel, and sometimes they come up in more organic ways from the plot. Sometimes Shakespeare feeds Myrlin A. Hermes a straight line and she turns it into a dirty joke, in the same way that Shakespeare plays with his characters.

That’s some of the beauty and brilliance of Hermes’ writing. Although it’s written in prose, the whole thing feels like poetry in blank verse. This is astounding work.

Ophelia still gets the short end of the stick, alas.* She doesn’t drown, and she does live long enough to marry Hamlet and become Denmark’s queen. She even produces an heir, although the little boy dies from an accidental wound. It’s implied he may have hemophilia, which of course is something that historically affected the real royal houses of Europe, after too many centuries of intermarriage between cousins.

Incest is a creeping theme throughout the novel. Hamlet is rumored to have an incestuous relationship with his own mother, although Hermes never gives the reader any reason to believe this is true. Gertrude is certainly unsure which brother is Hamlet’s biological father – Hamlet the Elder or Claudius – although this doesn’t make any genetic difference, since they’re identical twins. The cheeky undertaker at the end of the novel tells Horatio, in unnecessarily vague terms, that the king is marrying his sister – what he means is that King Claudius is marrying his sister-in-law.

Yet it may actually be the case when Hamlet marries Ophelia that he is marrying his own half-sister. A small portion of this novel is told by Polonius talking to Laertes. Polonius – whose name literally means that he is a Polish guy – tells his son that he, Polonius, was a minor prince in his native land, although he was the youngest son who was never going to inherit any kind of throne. When Hamlet the Elder conquered Poland, not only did his men kill all of Polonius’s older brothers on the battlefield, but Hamlet the Elder also took Polonius’s wife, Aphelia. Polonius and Aphelia were married but, because she was still a young teenager, their marriage wasn’t consummated. Aphelia became Hamlet’s concubine, and it’s possible Laertes and his sister Ophelia are both Hamlet the Elder’s biological children.

Hamlet the Younger marrying his bio sister? Sounds like an acting job for Benedict Cumberbatch, who has both played Hamlet on stage and, as a character in the film version of August: Osage County, has unknowingly had a sexual affair with probable his half sister. (And not even in a bad way. Ivy and Little Charles and two of the only humane characters in that grim Tracy Letts play. ‘Tis pity they are whores*.)

Someday I’ll discover why Letts keeps setting his plays in the Plains States, which he is from and seems to hate.

Hamlet isn’t my favorite of Shakespeare’s tragedies – I understand and enjoy Macbeth better. (I recently saw the 2015 film adaptation with Michael Fassbender and Marion Cotillard. I thought she was gorgeous and brilliant as Lady Macbeth, but I didn’t want Duncan to die, not only because he doesn’t deserve it but also because he was David Thewlis, the actor who played Remus Lupin in the Harry Potter movies. I still have issues with Remus and Tonks’ sad deaths.) That said, I found myself heavily invested in the romantic relationship between Hamlet and Horatio. I’m glad they got to be together long after Ophelia’s unprocessed grief over her child’s death sent her to a nunnery for long-term mental health care.

http://thatwritererinoriordan.tumblr.com/post/128423110740/brain-drops-soul-winks-promotional-posters-for#notes
At first Horatio is conflicted about his own bisexuality. He’s wildly attracted to Hamlet when Hamlet dresses as a female character in the play Horatio has written, but rejects Hamlet’s amorous advances out of deference to his upbringing in the church, even though Horatio is not a religious man. Later, when he believes Hamlet has drugged them both with belladonna and intends to kill them both, sex becomes a lifeline for them. Horatio eventually has to admit he loves Adriane physically, but the lifelong commitment of his heart he reserves exclusively for the Danish prince. Lady Adriane is Horatio’s first love, but Hamlet is his true love. Hamlet, surprisingly (for he is infamously fickle with Ophelia, including in this version), reciprocates the depth of Horatio’s feeling.

Get that: They are two bisexual men who commit themselves to each other, and neither one of them has to be killed off violently and tragically. See, TV? Writers can do that. It’s possible to let same-sex lovers grow old together and die of natural causes.

This is a beautiful, poetic, and sexy book, with complicated characters we think we know exposed from entirely new angles.

The titular allusion, by the way, is to a line spoken by Theseus in A Midsummer Night's Dream.

*That’s supposed to be remedied in a film starring the English actress Daisy Ridley, who stars in the most recently released Star Wars film.

*I'm not really judging them. That’s me showing off that I know the plot of the 17th-century John Ford play ‘Tis Pity She’s a Whore includes a brother-sister pair who commit intentional incest. In August: Osage County, only Ivy knows her cousin is probably also her brother.


John Ford is probably not related to Ford Madox Ford, the English poet, novelist, and critic who wrote Parade’s End, a novel series turned into a Downton Abbey-esque drama for British television. The protagonist, Christopher (“Chrissie”) Tietjans, marries a monumentally inconsiderate woman who is pregnant with a child that may or may not be his, then falls in love with a saucy Women’s Suffragist. It’s an Edwardian disaster and possibly semi-autobiographical. I’ve been watching it in small doses. 

http://thatwritererinoriordan.tumblr.com/post/150032747400/somanyperioddramas-parades-end-tv-series

Because Benedict Cumberbatch.  

Monday, March 17, 2014

#ManCandyMonday Manday Hotties Hop, Irish Edition


La Fhéile Pádraig Shona Daoibh! That's "Happy St. Paddy's Day" in Irish, one of the languages of my ancestors. My dad's family came to the U.S. from Derry/Londonderry (now Northern Ireland, U.K.).

Here are some very Irish hotties. Representing County Cork, the lovely Cillian Murphy.





Born in Germany to a German dad and an Irish mum but raised in County Kerry, Michael Fassbender.





Representing Northern Ireland and County Antrim, Liam Neeson.





Representing County Dublin and originally named Jonathan Michael Francis O'Keeffe, Jonathan Rhys Meyers.





Born in County Louth and raised in County Meath, former "James Bond" Pierce Brosnan. I'll be completely honest with you: my favorite one of his movies is Mamma Mia!





Representing Belfast (most of which is in County Antrim, but a little is in County Down), the capital of Northern Ireland, I present Sir Kenneth Branagh. He's Gilderoy Lockhart, he virtually owns Shakespeare, and he directed Thor.





Saving my favorite one for last, representing Dublin, the capital city of the Republic of Ireland, Gabriel James Byrne. Still my sweet, sweet baby.





This is an Amazon Listmania! list of my favorite Gabriel Byrne movies. The best of the best? The Usual Suspects, Miller's Crossing, and Polish Wedding, although Stigmata will always have a special place in my heart.

Link up with the other participating bloggers here:



Past St. Paddy's Day posts that may interest you:

Great Irish-American Women
The Forgotten Saints of Ireland
To Love an Irishman
Kemberlee Shortland's Irish Pride Trilogy

Enter to win Midsummer Night - Pagan Spirits Book 2 - from Goodreads through March 27

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

The Hanukkah Hotness, Night 8: Zoe Kravitz


Like yesterday's Hanukkah Hottie, Tony Goldwyn, Zoe Isabella Kravitz is in the Divergent movie; she plays Christina.



The first time I noticed her was as Tempest (Angel Salvador) in X-Men: First Class.



For a while, she was dating co-star Michael Fassbender; I'm not sure if they're together or broken up at the moment. Despite playing Jewish mutant Erik Lehnsherr/Magneto in the X-Men films, Fassbender is all European. His dad is German and his mom is Irish.



Zoe Kravitz has some mighty big legends to live up to; she's the daughter of rocker/actor/Cinna Lenny Kravitz and Lisa Bonet (a.k.a. Lilakoi Moon), two bonus Hanukkah hotties.



Lenny Kravitz has a Jewish father and an African-American mother; Bonet is the daughter of a Jewish mom and an African-American dad. Zoe, then, is what I am - Jewish through the motherline. Her mother is Jewish because her mother was Jewish because her mother was Jewish, and on and on back to Sarah the matriarch.



But what is Zoe Kravitz known for more than anything? Style.



Alexander Wang seems to be a special favorite of hers.





Hmmm...maybe Christina really is Cinna's daughter.




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My secret wish: that Taraji P. Henson and Jim Caviezel will make a movie together, in which they play a couple, and Zoe could play their daughter. Said movie must, absolutely, have a happy ending, to make up for this nonsense.


Monday, August 19, 2013

Movie Review: The Host

When I read Stephenie Meyer's novel The Host (book review here), it didn't quite work for me either as a romance or as a science fiction movie. Still, I consider seeing the movie based on a book something of a reward for having read that book, so I was excited to see the film version of The Host. I missed it in the theater, but I watched it at home last night.


This is one of those rare cases where a movie is better than the book. All the scenes of waiting around for some action to happen are neatly condensed into a scifi movie that isn't boring. It's a good-looking movie, pretty much the way it looked inside my head (except I thought that Healer Fords was an American Indian man), and the musical score by Antonio Pinto is gorgeous. If you're not familiar with the plot, here's a brief summary: the Earth has been conquered by a species that calls itself the Souls. They're symbiotic, living inside human bodies. The human personality disappears - usually. 

When Wanderer arrives on Earth, she finds herself bonded to the body of a young woman named Melanie, but Melanie refuses to disappear without a fight. The two share a body, and Melanie leads Wanderer to a small surviving group of symbiote-free humans, including Melanie's Uncle Jeb and Aunt Maggie, her younger brother Jamie, and Melanie's lover Jared. Because Wanderer shares her body, Melanie's relationship with the other humans is complicated. One man, Ian, attempts to kill Wanderer, but then ends up having feelings for her (which makes Melanie jealous). 

Wanderer uses the Souls' advanced medical knowledge to heal Jamie when he almost dies from an infection, then teaches the humans to nonviolently remove Souls from their human hosts, leading to increased peace between the band of humans and some of the Souls. Melanie Stryder and Wanderer are played by Saiorse Ronan. The last thing I saw her in was Hanna, in which she played a modern young warrior woman, which was pretty awesome. I've also seen her in two literary adaptations, both of books I haven't read - Atonement (the love story you watch when you want to weep your eyes out) and The Lovely Bones. Ronan was born in 1994, so she's still only 19, but she's grown into a very beautiful woman. I guarantee you that by 30 she will be a legendary red carpet beauty. Jared is played by Max Irons, who was in Red Riding Hood (loosely connected to Twilight in that it was directed by Catherine Hardwicke like the first Twilight film, and it featured Billy "Charlie Swan" Burke) and who is the son of Jeremy Irons. (Anagrams of Max Irons that might describe his personality include Arson Mix, Soar Minx, As In Mr Ox, and Ram In Sox.) 

I have the same problem with Melanie and Jared's romance in the movie as I had in the book - I just don't feel that there's a lot of passion or heat there, except in one brief scene in which Jared remembers kissing Melanie and sees his memory in a dream. Max Irons is very pretty to look at, though. He is an English model as well as an actor, so think young Rupert Everett. (I say this knowing full well that Rupert Everett has aged extremely well and is, in fact, sexier now than he was at 25.) My feels reside more with Ian and Wanderer - he falls in love with her personality, not her physical body, although he does find her silvery, wispy natural form to be beautiful. (It's one of the most touching scenes of the book; in the movie, Ian is depicted holding another Soul, not Wanderer.) 

Ian is played by Jake Abel, who was in I Am Number Four (with Teresa Palmer from Warm Bodies) and the Percy Jackson movies as well as appearing in The Lovely Bones. It would be a nice symmetry if Abel and Ronan had played love interests in that movie, but while Ronan played the main character Susie, Abel had a small role as Susie's best friend's boyfriend. (He has one major scene - mistakenly thinking Susie's dad is attacking his girlfriend and beating Susie's dad with a baseball bat, badly injuring the dad's knee.) 

The stubborn Seeker who pursues Wanderer beyond what is normal for the cooperative-minded, peaceful Souls is played by German actress Diane Kruger. I may remember her from such films as Troy (in which she played Helen), the two National Treasure movies, and Inglourious Basterds (the film in which I discovered the beauty that is Michael Fassbender). She's a character you love to hate, but Kruger plays this character beautifully. The Seeker has a secret - she's fighting a losing battle with the human whose body she inhabits, and she can't stand her own perceived weakness for not being able to conquer the supposedly inferior human mind. She gets her interplanetary comeuppance. I was a little disappointed in the book - I gave it three out of five stars - but the movie was better than I expected it to be. Unless you're a hardcore Stephenie Meyer fan, you can probably skip the book safely and see the movie. It doesn't suck. Four out of five stars.

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Monday, June 24, 2013

Guest Blogging About My Obsession at Alcide and Other Obsessions

Today I'm scheduled to make a guest appearance at Alcide and Other Obsessions. This is a very cool pop culture blog written by Dominique Eastwick. Dominique has an obvious obsession: Alcide on True Blood, as portrayed by Joe Manganiello. Can you blame her? No, of course not. Look at him.



He's not her only obsession, though. Dominique also has a thing for Karl Urban, the Kiwi actor who plays Bones McCoy in the most recent Star Trek films and played Eomer in the Lord of the Rings trilogy.






Dominique also invites other bloggers - many of them my fellow erotica and erotic romance writers - to share their obsessions. Ashlynn Monroe (yes, the Ashlynn Monroe who has a story in Indecent Encounters with me), for example, can't stop thinking about Eric Northman on True Blood.






S. Hampton Sr. is obsessed with Lady Gaga.






This song is ridiculously catchy.



Nulli Para Ora loves Michael Fassbender. And why shouldn't she? He's our beloved Edward Fairfax Rochester.






Me? Well, there's this guy I may have mentioned one or two times before.


See you at Alcide & Other Obsessions!

Friday, June 14, 2013

A Walking Study in Demonology With Cara Lockwood's Silly-Fun Chick Lit Series

"Oh make me over
I'm all I wanna be
A walking study in demonology..."

(Hole, "Celebrity Skin")


Excerpt

"It took every last ounce of Sam's willpower not to look at Rachel, to pretend that he didn't hear the light beat of her heart from across the church or smell her sweet, inviting scent.

"Every part of him wanted to hold her to his chest and not let go.

"The scariest thing was that he hadn't decided to kiss Rachel, his body had, taking control in a way he'd never experienced before. Even now, as he gritted his teeth, he wasn't sure he'd be able to keep himself away from her.

"He tried to make sense of what it meant, and then decided it didn't matter. He had to stay focused on his next bounty, which at this point looked like it would be Azazel."

My Review

Can't Teach an Old Demon New Tricks (Demon, #2)Can't Teach an Old Demon New Tricks by Cara Lockwood
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Just like the first book in this series (which I read over a year ago), Every Demon Has His Day, this book is silly, goofy fun that combines chick lit with paranormal romance and horror-comedy. The heroine is Rachel, a young mom whose husband's body has been taken over by a demon named Pan. Pan is the father of Rachel's one-year-old son Cassidy, and the half-demon child (while not himself evil) exhibits some very unusual mischievous behavior. After the demon-husband unceremoniously splits, he's tracked down by the novel's hero, a fallen angel named Sam. Aligned with neither good nor evil, Sam is gradually becoming a mortal man, although most human women still find him irresistible. Rachel is not one of them. She's strongly attracted to Sam, but her primary concern is keeping Cassidy safe as Pan helps to waken Azazel, a very dangerous fallen angel who's planning to take over hell itself. The novel has some ridiculous scenes, such as the giant toddlers who descend on a Walmart-like parking lot and the angel SWAT team, so just go with it.

Serious literature? No. Fun? Yes.

View all my reviews on Goodreads


The Characters

Azazel: In Lockwood's telling, Azazel is a very powerful fallen angel who's been entombed in the Grand Canyon for thousands of years. He's high on the devil's most wanted list because of his scheme to take over hell. To do so, he has in the past attempted - and plans to try again - to sire a race of giants (the Nephilim) by seducing and impregnating human women, who die giving birth to his monstrously large offspring.

According to the Jewish Encyclopedia, Azazel is mentioned in the Bible. In the book of Leviticus, the ritual of the Day of Atonement is described, including the priest laying hands on a goat - the scapegoat - and confessing all the people's sins over it. The scapegoat was then released into the wilderness "for Azazel." The Book of Enoch (which most Jewish and Christian denominations do not consider to be a canonical part of the Bible) associates Azazel with the fallen angels, but other commentators consider Azazel a local deity associated with isolated stretches of the desert. 'Enoch' casts Azazel as a Prometheus-like figure who teaches humankind how to make weapons and wear make-up, among other things.

Folklorically, Azazel is associated with the angels mentioned in the Biblical book of Genesis who made children with human women (Genesis 6:1-4).

Azazel is also a Marvel Comics character, a mutant. In X-Men: First Class he's played by Jason Flemyng. Flemyng's co-star in that film, Michael Fassbender, played a character named Azazael on the U.K. TV series Hex (which I used to watch back when I had cable). Azazael was a fallen angel, and he fathered a child with the heroine-witch Cassie. Their son, Malachi, grew unusually fast and had demon-like powers.

Casiphia: She seems to be a demon Lockwood invented entirely. She has a lot of lust directed at Azazel, which he seems to return, even though it does not slow down his plan to impregnate a lot of human women, including many of the young beauty queens at the Dogwood Festival. She takes the form of a beautiful woman, and she has the ability to poison both humans and angels with her claw-like fingernails.

Casiphia is briefly mentioned in the Bible (Ezra 8:17), not as a demon but as a place. The Jewish Encyclopedia says its exact location is unknown (the entry is here).

Lilith: Lockwood describes Lilith as living in the form of an enormous snake. Her home appears to be a pet store, where she is attended by a human-looking demon, but any human beings who wander into her pet store by mistake are killed. Lilith is embittered against the human race because her demon children were killed, while humans are able to multiple. Otherwise, she's the traditional folkloric Lilith: first woman created, refused to be subservient to Adam, flew from the Garden of Eden and gave birth to many demon children by seducing men in their sleep.

When I think of Lilith, I can't help but think about an opinion column I read years ago, and still have affixed to an old diary. On Thursday, June 24, 1999, Ellen Goodman (a Boston Globe columnist) published "Lilith Too Much Woman for Adam (or Jerry)." In it, Goodman discusses the National Liberty Journal's (associated with Jerry Falwell and infamous for speaking out against the Teletubbies) crusade against the Lilith Fair music festival (which concluded in 2011). The charge was that Lilith Fair "celebrates a Pagan figure" known for seducing men. Goodman mentions the first printed reference to Lilith, in the 8th-9th century Alphabet of Ben-Sira. She quotes the editor of Lilith magazine (a Jewish feminist magazine first published in 1976), Susan Weidman Schneider, as saying, "The kernel of the story is that Lilith was a woman who wasn't afraid to take risks for equality. She wanted to claim her birthright as Adam's equal."

Goodman concludes, "Needless to say (I think it's needless), the Lilith Fair is modeled after the original image of the woman who wanted to have an equal voice....At the risk of sounding absolutely demonic, I'd rather sing doo-wop for Lilith than Jerry. The world according to Falwell ain't my idea of Paradise." I have loved Lilith ever since I read that, and I'm always slightly disappointed by unflattering portrayals of her.

The article taped to my March 20-April 30, 1999 diary. Like many writers,  I'm also an amateur librarian, with a filing system known only to myself. 
In modern media, Lilith is often referred to as the first vampire/queen of the vampires/mother of all the vampires. Lilith as a character featured prominently in Season 5 of True Blood. You can read about the folkloric Lilith extensively at Encyclopedia Mythica.

Pan: In Lockwood's telling, Pan is a sloth demon. He's so lazy, he's almost too lazy to do anything evil, even though he's plainly allied with Satan. He kills Kevin Farnsworth, taking over his body, and fathers Cassidy with Kevin's wife Rachel. (The issue of Rachel mourning for the real Kevin is never really addressed in this book.) Then he takes off, only to be hunted down by Sam. He offers to lead Sam to Azazel in exchange for his freedom, even though Pan ultimately ends up sent to hell anyway.

Theoi.com calls Pan "the god of shepherds and flocks, hunting and rustic music." He's not associated with sloth at all. He's depicted as a satyr, a half-man half-goat, and is sometimes pictured as part of the retinue of Dionysus.

In short, the folkloric Pan is variation on the Wild God of the Woods, a common theme in European mythology. He's the Horned One of Beltane and possibly Loki among the Norse gods (and in Marvel Comics).

A really good literary novel that features Pan as a character is Mrs. Demming and the Mythical Beast by Faith Sullivan. (You can get used copies super cheap on Amazon - get it. You won't be disappointed.) He's also reflected in "You" by Charlotte Stein, found in the erotic fairy tale anthology Lustfully Ever After.

Tiamat: In Can't Teach an Old Demon New Tricks, Tiamat is a water demon, although it's mentioned that the ancient Babylonians considered her a goddess whose body formed the world. She's not particularly powerful; she can be contained in a Mason jar, and when that jar is emptied out she becomes a raging flood. She destroys Rachel's house.

Encyclopedia Mythica calls Tiamat a huge Babylonian dragon who personified the oceans and chaos, as well as "the mother of all that exists." Thus, she is extremely powerful and important. It says in the Babylonian creation epic the Enuma Elish, Tiamat and her consort Apsu decide to kill their many offspring, who have begun to annoy them. Their plans are foiled when one of their children, Ea, kills Apsu. Tiamat becomes enraged and builds an army of monsters, but is ultimately defeated and slain by the young god Marduk.

The entry then claims that "The Deep" spoken of in the Biblical book of Genesis "derives from Tiamat." If I remember from studying the Enuma Elish in college, Marduk separates the parts of Tiamat's dead body to separate dry land from the waters, much like the God of the Bible separates the dry land from the waters.

In Conclusion

But every writer is free to use folkloric characters as inspiration for her own unique characters - J.K. Rowling certainly does it all the time in the Harry Potter series, and the results are enjoyable. This series isn't anywhere near as good as the Harry Potter books, but it's good for a fairly quick read with some amusing characters and funny dialogue.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

I'm a Year Older and So Are These Gorgeous Bitches (Oh How Pinteresting)

Last year for my birthday I wrote "I'm 35 and So Are These Hotties Born in 1977." I'm a year older, and - well, the people who were born in 1977 were still born in 1977.

But they're still some quite lovely humans, so please enjoy them.

Shakira:



Orlando Bloom:



My personal favorite Rachel Dawes, Ms. Maggie Gyllenhaal:



Chris 'Ludacris' Bridges:



Michael Fassbender:



Kal Penn:



Jonathan Rhys Meyers:




Wow, guys - you all look so good for our age!

(I lifted this birthday post idea from Alexandra O'Hurley. Her awesome erotic romance author website is http://www.alexandraohurley.com/. Go check her out - she's fun.)

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

What Happens at @GoodReads Doesn't Necessarily Stay at #GoodReads

A huge topic of discussion at GoodReads is always which actors should play certain roles in the movie versions of our beloved books. There's only one answer, really: no one. What mortal human is ever good enough to compare to the way we imagine our favorite fictional characters (and, let's face it, fictional boyfriends/girlfriends) in our heads? The fun of fictional people is that they're better than real people, possessing only those flaws with which the author lovingly bestows them, as needed for the plot and/or to make them charmingly quirky.

Therefore, I have no very strong opinions on who should play Finnick Odair in Catching Fire and Mockingjay. Whoever gets to play Christian Grey, I'll be disappointed in, because he won't be my imaginary Christian Grey. I won't hate seeing Michael Fassbender or Cillian Murphy get the role, but I won't love it, either.

(Okay, I'll probably come to love it eventually, the same way I wholeheartedly embrace Dan Radcliffe - whom I just recently found out is half-Jewish, the kosher icing on a cake I already adored! - as Harry Potter and Robert Pattinson as Edward Cullen.)



I definitely, definitely have no strong opinion on who should play Matthew Clairmont, the medieval knight/modern vampire in A Discovery of Witches. My opinion is "nobody." Matthew Clairmont is so utterly inhuman, so otherworldly, so supernatural. How could he be played by a mere human? Still, I had to take a peek when a GoodReads discussion was labelled, "Who would you like to see play Matthew in the movie, if one were made?"

The first suggestion is Fassbender - an excellent choice. Then, a few comments down, Ms. Jackie Frye throws out Jim Caviezel as a suggestion...and I die a little, 'cause that's what happens when you take two of my sexual fantasies, jam them together and make them wrestle over who gets to be on top.

Some people agree. Some don't. One who doesn't is this chick Suay, who writes:

"Didn't really like any of the suggestions I have looked up so far. Jim Caviezel looks a bit too sleazy in my opinion (I apologize for the choice of words but can't think of a more polite word for this right now), Fassbender looks more vulnerable than I would have imagined Matthew to be. I agree with a previous comment that an unknown or less know actor would probably be best. I would have thought that a dark / sinister character would depict him best. But there aren't too many of that type around I suppose." 

...and I choke my chai latte, just a little. Oh no, book bitch*, you did not just call James Caviezel "sleazy." That is no way to talk about my own personal Jesus. I grant you the following points:

1. He's a dick to Demi Moore in G.I. Jane. Being a dick to Demi Moore is not cool.



2. He's a total dick to Ashley Judd in High Crimes, trying to kill her and all. He also makes being ambidextrous look creepy. But he gets punished for it, 'cause as Kat Bjelland sang/shrieked in "Bluebell," "You're dead meat, motherfucker/Don't try to rape a goddess."



3. His redneck domestic terrorist character in Deja Vu is completely sleazy. I give you that. He set a woman on fire. Again, he's severely punished. (He does, however, totally rock the back-of-the-neck tattoo. Makes me wanna be the chick who inked that, with the needles and the blood and the pain. Be still, my injury fetish.)



His style of acting can best be described as "intense," but "intense" can be a good thing, too. Intense can be passionate, and not just in the Christ sense. Suay says sleazy; I say man-pretty. I know I wrote in "Womb Pride," quoting Rob Bell's brilliant book Sex God: Exploring the Endless Connections between Sexuality and Spirituality:

"Picture a group of high school boys standing by their lockers when a girl walks by. One of the boys asks, 'How do you rate that?' They then take turns assigning numerical values to the various parts of her anatomy, discussing in great detail how they evaluate her physical attributes...The problem is that 'that' is actually a 'she.' A person. A woman. With a name, a history, with feelings. It seems harmless until you're that girl, and then it hurts. It's degrading. It's violating. It does something to a person's soul."

So, please believe me when I say I mean no disrespect when I ask you to consider the following.



Those beautiful blue eyes.



These lips.



The cheekbones.



The hipbones.



The smile.



The really big hands...  



...and feet. 

What was I saying? Oh yeah. Matthew Clairmont? Maybe not. But definitely not sleazy. Just an intense actor and very, very man-pretty.

*Used affectionately. We're all book bitches here. No offense intended.

Friday, June 1, 2012

Mockingjay? Read It. Adored It. Declared It the Best of the Trilogy.


My rating: 5 of 5 stars
If I ever hear someone say that a female novelist can't write a war story, I am going to chuck this book at his or her head. So much pain and passion generated by the folly of war and nation-building is contained in its too-brief 390 pages, Mockingjay is as good an introduction to the grim paradox of war as Slaughterhouse-Five was a generation ago. Yes, it's even darker than the first two books (already quite dark), and yes, young people should read it anyway. Parts of it make the reader yell out, "What?!" but that's precisely the point. Katniss learns to question everything, and so must we. Brava to you, Ms. Collins, for even though a piece of my psyche has been vicariously wounded, I see the reason and the hope behind it. 

View all my reviews on Goodreads

Mockingjay is the best book in the Hunger Games trilogy. It's the best-written, the darkest, the scariest and the most true. Now excuse me while I grieve over the death of two particularly beloved fictional characters. 

Last night, I watched the Person of Interest rerun. It was the episode that introduced the hacker known as Root (dis bitch!!), and it involved a stakeout. I read Mockingjay for a while afterward. Then I went to bed and dreamed about a stakeout conducted by members of PETA, the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. You know, the ones who got Taraji P. Henson to pose naked to protest fur fashions - although, in all honesty, Ms. Henson seems to rather enjoy posing naked.



It took me a while to figure out that I dreamed about PETA because I was reading about Peeta Mellark. 

The blog Books and Movies discussed who should play Finnick Odair in Catching Fire recently. I don't have much of an opinion about that - I haven't even seen the Hunger Games movie yet. At this point I care much more about the books than the movies. (P.S. I'm utterly terrified at the idea of a Fifty Shades of Grey movie - I lean toward rooting for Michael Fassbender to get the role, but I also know no actor will ever measure up to my image of Christian Grey.) I don't really like any of the author's, Carrie K.'s, choices. 

I do, however, completely agree with the YouTube commenter who gave me the idea that Michael Emerson could play Beetee. That needs to happen.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

I'm 35, and so are these 10 hotties born in 1977

Happy birthday to me! My birthday gift to you, loyal readers, is a gallery of hotness inspired by the year of my birth, 1977.

I am completely, blatantly ripping this post off from Alexandra O'Hurley and her blog Oh Alex, except Alex was born in a different year. Thanks, Alex, for the inspiration. Everybody should buy your books on Amazon or from their favorite retailer.

Fabulous Peeps Born in 1977:

10. John Mayer

Oh yeah, that body is a wonderland. He barely makes the list at #10 because he's still in the doghouse over his derogatory comments about women of color in a Playboy interview. He's one of those bros you shouldn't think is hot, but maybe you do.


9. Predrag "Peja" Stojaković

That Yugoslavia! Thing strikes again; I like big Serbian dudes and I cannot lie. Plus, you've gotta love Peja because of his deep commitment to children's charities, following the example of his mentor Vlade Divac.

Now that he's retired from the NBA, I believe he should be put out to stud; Peja makes beautiful babies.


8. Michael Fassbender

I first noticed him in Inglorious Basterds, and along with Eli Roth he inspired me to write Brad Pitt Is Not the Hottest Guy in Quentin Tarantino's Latest. The Internet nominates him to play the role of Christian Grey in 50 Shades of Grey.


A good Fassbender gallery comes from The Daily Hotness. A good Fassbender tweet is:

7. Chris "Ludacris" Bridges

Ludacris is another guy that when you're a feminist woman, you're not supposed to like him - but damn, this guy can lay down some irresistible beats. I especially enjoy his collaborations with Missy Elliot on "Gossip Folks" and "One Minute Man."

I love him in Crash - not the David Cronenberg film of the J.G. Ballard novel, but the other movie titled Crash. He was also a guest on The Simpsons, on which he created the greatest anti-tooth decay film ever. Dirty dirty mouth, y'all!


Luda even has his own brand of cognac - how cool is that?

Also, bisexual girls like Ludacris 'cause at first we thought he was saying, "Bi chick bad, bi chick hood/Bi chick do stuff that your chick wish she could."



6. Maggie Gyllenhaal

Yeah, yeah, I know I already sung the praises of the female Gyllenhaal sib as part of The Hanukkah Hotness, but can you ever really get enough Maggie G? Maggie and lil bro Jake rank very high on the list of Things Bisexual People Like.


Here, she's modeling for AgentProvocateur.

5. Kal Penn

New Jersey-born Kalpen Suresh Modi serves his country as Associate Director of the White House Office of Public Engagement. He's smart and sexy - that's hot. The politician and sometimes academic lecturer on Asian-American studies also goes by the stage name Kal Penn, under which he is best known as Kumar Patel of the film duo Harold & Kumar.


4. Shakira

Hips don't lie.


3. Zachary Quinto

Having had a crush on Syler on Heroes (when he wasn't cutting heads off), I based Zachary in "Innocent" on him. If I would have known he was gay, I would have made it a m/m story. Feel free to send me links to your Syler/Peter Petrelli slash.

No, really. Send them to me.


2. Orlando Bloom

Legolas. Need I say more?


1. Jonathan Rhys Meyers

He's not the guy who made out with Christian Bale in Velvet Goldmine, but who cares? He was in VELVET GOLDMINE.


A good JRM gallery is at MamaKitty Reviews.