Grey: Fifty Shades of Grey as Told by Christian

I finally finished listening to the audio book version of Grey: Fifty Shades of Grey as Told by Christian by E.L. James. I must say, I genuinely enjoyed it, in no small part to the voice acting talent of Zachary Webber.

Many of my thoughts about this audio book are captured in my status updates over the two months it took me to "read" this book on my commute. (Click on the image or zoom to make it more readable.)

I enjoyed this as a lengthy and complicated piece of Twilight fan fiction, and I find that I genuinely care about these fictional characters. I want Ana and Christian to succeed as a couple. Of course we know they do - they finish as a nice married couple with two children - but they're actually broken up at the end of the first novel of the trilogy. It's a downer ending, made somewhat more hopeful in this version.

I really do get a kick out of the way Kate irks Christian.

But I still don't want to see the movie. Jamie Dornan is quite attractive, and being a person of Northern Irish descent myself I quite like him, but I like my imaginary Christian Grey better. He doesn't resemble any living person that I know of, although from here on out he may sound like Zachary Webber in my imagination.

I do think Kristen Stewart would have made an amazing Ana, though. That's not a slight against Dakota Johnson. I find her beautiful and charming.

Dakota Johnson. Creative Commons image by GabboT

I feel especially compelled to protect and defend the young Ms. Johnson, and I suppose it's because I've long felt compelled to protect her mother, Melanie Griffith. Do you all remember The Bust Guide to the New Girl Order?

It was first published in 1999, and it's very, very '90s. It represents some of the early work featured in the women's magazine, which started out as a small feminist/girl culture zine, itself a very 1990s concept. I mention the anthology because it contains an essay called "Bring Me the Head of Melanie Banderas" by Sarah Feldman writing as Dixie LaRue. It's much meaner and snarkier than what Bust publishes today, and it's all about what a terrible actress and human being Melanie Griffith (married to Antonio Banderas at the time) is.

Like a Judge-y Judy, Dixie LaRue recounts Griffith's crimes against womankind, including getting multiple tattoos (!) and having breast implants. Body shaming much? She takes Griffith to task for starring in sexist movies but doesn't question why the movie-going public lets filmmakers get away with pernicious gender stereotyping and sexist slander. It's very old school, and it makes me want to wrap Griffith in a nice warm blanket, hand her a latte, and assure her she's worthy of love and respect.

So, with absolutely no offense meant to Jamie Dornan or Dakota Johnson, I'll just watch the "movie" inside my head and fan-cast it with the Twilight cast members.

"Lelliot" hates jellyfish.

If I were summing up this book in one sentence, it would be, "A brave woman explores the limits of her sexuality; a recovering abuse victim explores the limits of his emotional vulnerability." And I liked it.

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Erin's Dream Diary #10

I haven't done a Dream Diary since January, so let's do a quick one now.

I dreamed I was a young, lithe Hunger Games tribute. I went in search of Santa Claus. By an astonishing coincidence, he lived in the house directly across the back fence from my parents' house, where the parents of my childhood best friend Amy used to live. I wanted to tell him my Christmas wish, which was to rid myself of the residual trauma of the arena. 

My particular trauma took on a psychotic-break-with-reality quality. I believed I was being haunted by an evil spirit named Henry. Henry was my tormentor and my lover. I wasn't bothered by the sexual part of our relationship.

Santa's house, it turned out, was filled with runaway tributes. We even had a leader - Max from Divergent. I guess I got my YA trilogies mixed up. 

And the Christmas wish part was probably due to reading The Lullaby of Polish Girls by Dagmara Dominiczyk. It has several Christmas scenes. You may remember the author as the actress who played Mercedes opposite Jim Caviezel's Edmond Dantes in The Count of Monte Cristo.

Listening to on my hour-long commute: Grey by E.L. James. I'm on disc 6 of 16.

Reading on my lunch hours: Jane and the Damned by Janet Mullany

Jane Austen, vampire

Previous Dream Diary Installments:

A Wonderful Vampire Dream
The Adam Levine Dream
The Beltane Fertility Dream

The Ben Affleck Storm Trooper Dream
The Boy
The Inspirational Zombie Dream
Wall Street
Window Into the Mind of an Erotica Author
Yugoslavia!

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'Carry On' by Rainbow Rowell

This book discussion is not spoiler-free. If you haven’t read Fangirl and Carry On yet, I strongly recommend you read no further.

I bought my copy of Carry On by Rainbow Rowell on the day it was released: Tues. October 6th. I couldn’t wait to dig in and start reading the boy-boy love story. (I say “boy,” but understand I’m talking about 18-year-old adults.) I finished it a week later, on Monday the 12th. In a way, I still can’t believe I’ve finished it. Reading Carry On was an incredibly enjoyable experience. I’m not sure I can entirely explain why, but I’ll try.

Part of it was the extent to which I enjoyed Rowell’s 2013 book, Fangirl. Recall that I didn’t just LIKE Cath Avery, but also felt like I WAS Cath Avery. Because Cath loved Simon Snow and his vampire classmate Baz, I loved Simon Snow and his beloved/enemy Baz.

Another part of the puzzle is that Simon and Baz are based, in part, on Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy.  I’ve never personally been a Drarry shipper – I’m satisfied with J.K. Rowling’s choice of Ginny Weasley as Harry Potter’s lifemate. Even if Rowling herself sometimes wishes she’d made Harry and Hermione more than friends. Let’s face it: I’m a grown adult who wears Harry Potter socks and a golden snitch necklace and whenever I hear plumbing make a funny noise my first thought is still “Chamber of Secrets!” I consider myself a member of the Harry Potter fandom. I understand the fandom impulse.

And yes, it is exciting to read a mainstream novel in which the featured romantic subplot involves a same-sex couple. It IS important to me as an out bisexual woman to have non-heterosexual (I’d say queer, but I don’t want to use that word if it will offend some readers. I personally do not have a problem with “queer”), positive representation in the media. Especially in the traditional media.

Can you imagine if J.K. Rowling went back and wrote a book about Albus Dumbledore’s unrequited love for Gellert Grindelwald? It would be heartbreaking and poignant and I would love that so much, even while it was torturing my poor little heart.

But until we get Carry On, Albus, we have to settle for SnowBaz.

In my review of Fangirl, I wrote, “Let's talk about Simon Snow. I honestly would love it if someone wrote Carry On, Simon as Cath, because the little bits of fan fiction that we get in the novel are tasty. Cath left her magnum opus unfinished (and, may I just say, I think the ending of this novel is perfection and I wouldn't want it any other way), but I still want to know if she decided to kill Baz or to let Simon and Baz live happily ever after. We're somewhat left hanging in a Hazel Grace Lancaster-type fashion. This book is meta to begin with - fiction about a fiction writer writing fan fiction about fiction - would it just be too incredibly meta for someone to write Carry On, Simon?”

Rowell hasn’t written Carry On, Simon, but she’s written something even better. Carry On isn’t written as Cath Avery writing Simon Snow fan fiction, nor is it written as if it were the original novel Cath based her fan fiction on (written by the fictional Gemma T. Leslie). Instead it’s a Simon Snow novel written in Rowell’s own authorial voice. But I no longer feel disappointed or Peter Van Houtened by Fangirl. I’ve gotten my SnowBaz story – and (spoiler alert!) Baz doesn’t even die.

Of course, I would not be sad if Rowell somehow extended this to a 7- or 8-book series…I’m just sayin’.

Ultimately, Simon Snow owes his existence to J.K. Rowling and Harry Potter. Because Rowling’s world-building is so thorough, and we’re already assumed to be familiar with it, Simon Snow’s Watford School already seems like familiar territory – yet it is its own unique world. Further, Rowling and Rowell are brilliant writers, each in unique ways. As I’ve discussed in my reviews of the Robert Galbraith novels, Rowling is intimately familiar with all 400+ years of English-language literature, plus the Latin language, plus Classical mythology and a veritable buffet of multicultural world mythologies.  She’s wonderfully erudite and such a natural storyteller, she can write a children’s book filled with scholarly Classical references without either boring the reader or showing off.

I’m not implying that Rowell isn’t as brilliant or as educated as Rowling, but Rowell’s storytelling style is more inwardly oriented, more personal and intimate and less world-traveling. She writes with her tongue in her cheek, tossing in pop cultural references that might be not-so-subtly winking puns, meaningful allusions, or a combination of the two. In an early chapter, for example, Simon is nearly taken out by a taxi driver who turns out to be a goblin. In the mirror’s reflection he appears to have green skin and blood-red lips, but otherwise he’s “handsome as a pop star.” Any goblin who manages to kill Simon will become the goblin king. Wait a minute: goblin king, handsome as a pop star? Is she talking about David Bowie in the film Labyrinth, in which the pop star plays the Goblin King?

I have no doubt Rowell is making references to a wide variety of fantasy novels, films, and tropes throughout her novel. I half-suspect the surname Snow is a reference to Game of Thrones – Simon, like Jon Snow, was abandoned by his parents. Of course, it’s revealed in Carry On that Snow is his middle name. Maybe Simon officially has his mother Lucy’s last name. It’s unclear whether Davy (the Mage) and Lucy ever married – not that that would necessarily require her to change her name. I don’t recall the Mage’s last name ever being given.

Baz – short for Tyrannus Basilton – has his mother’s last name. His mother, Natasha Pitch-Grimm, was headmistress of Watford before The Mage. Baz’s father isn’t a bully like Lucius Malfoy; he’s more of a neglectful parent than an abusive one. He’s not happy that Baz is gay. Baz doesn’t identify much with his father, so he doesn’t use the Grimm last name. He’s chummy with his Grimm cousins, though.

Naming traditions are more conventional in the household of Simon’s best friend, Penelope Bunce. Penelope is a British girl with a British-ethnicity dad and an Indian-ethnicity mom. She has some of the traits of Ron Weasley (including ginger hair, in their first year at Watford) and some of the traits of Hermione Granger, yet she managers to be her own unique character. Her siblings, including brother Premal and sister Priya, have Indian personal names, but they all have the Bunce family name. Penelope is technically a name from Greek mythology, but it’s not that uncommon in the English-speaking world.

Rowell, of course, is from the United States. She’s writing English characters who speak U.K. English, and occasionally (to my North American ears) this rings a little false. For example, I’ve never heard a person from the U.K. or Ireland refer to a “bag of crisps.”* The familiar expression is “a packet of crisps” where we Americans would say “a bag of chips.” But U.K. readers will have to weigh in on that matter.

(I can say that E.L. James, writing in the voices of U.S. characters, uses an occasional phrase that rings very British. It works both ways – as if we can understand, but not quite reproduce, one another’s dialects.)

The witches and wizards of Simon’s world are a bit more modern than those in Harry’s, who seem a bit stuck in the 19th century in some of their customs. Simon doesn’t speak Latin. Heck, he barely speaks English. (His dad really did a number on him when he dumped Simon in that orphanage.) Rowell’s witches cast spells in English, using concentration and intent to turn common phrases into spells. Any phrase can become a spell, theoretically, but some have caught on and are common. Song titles and lyrics often work well, and nursery rhymes are said to be the most powerful spells of all.

Baz’s family – the Pitch side – is unusually gifted with fire magic. This is a shame, since Baz (made a vampire, not born a vampire) is more flammable than the average human, something his dad and aunt (a somewhat Bellatrix LeStrange-like character, but not quite as evil) consistently remind him of. Baz is aristocratic, worldly, handsome, charming, and completely in love with Simon since their fifth year of school.

Yet it’s Simon who initiates their first kiss, in a moment of despair when Baz seems on the verge of suicide by self-immolation. Simon hasn’t quite worked out his sexuality yet. He knows he’s attracted to Baz – Baz’s huge vampire fangs impress him. It’s unclear whether he’s sexually attracted to Agatha Wellbelove or simply socially attracted to her. It’s a question the author chose to leave open. It’s entirely possible Simon is bisexual or pansexual, though.

The first kiss is magickal. Please don’t judge me, but I may have done a slight dance shortly after reading it. I really do love SnowBaz as a couple.

Of course, the dramatic climax is a traumatic climax. Not Allegiant traumatic, but still…Simon loses a person and a thing, both very dear to him. The person, Ebb the goatherd, is sort of a combination of Rubeus Hagrid and Sybil Trelawney, in a very wonderful way. Her nickname is short for Ebeneza. She’s a very powerful magician but must sacrifice herself (which she does willingly) to save Agatha.

Agatha Wellbelove doesn’t closely resemble any of the characters in the Harry Potter series. Her family name is vaguely reminiscent of Luna Lovegood’s, but she’s not quirky like Luna. In fact, she’s quite the opposite: she’d rather be with her Normal friends (the equivalent of Muggles – apparently, magicians can hear the difference between Normal and normal) than at a magickal school. She has a slight crush on Baz – one that’s destined to be unrequited, obviously. But it is not a typical young adult novel love triangle, not at all. In fact, Agatha breaks off her relationship with Simon because she realizes they’re both only going through the motions.

Penelope – Penny – has an American boyfriend named Micah. I have a deep desire to watch a sitcom starring Mindy Kaling as an older Penny living in the U.S.A. with Micah and their kids. Seems unlikely to happen, though.

Penny’s roommate, Trixie the pixie (the ridiculous name is lampshaded by the characters), is also LGBTQ+. Her girlfriend is another female Watford student, and the fact that dorm rules do nothing to keep them from snogging and flinging pixie dust 24/7 annoys Penny to no end. Technically she isn’t allowed in Baz and Simon’s shared suite, but through some unknown method she circumvents this policy – a feat never attempted by policy-respecting Hermione Granger.

SnowBaz ends more happily-for-now than happily-ever-after. They both have such grave insecurities. But I’ll take it. It’s better than being stuck, not knowing whether Baz even survives the end of Cath’s fan fiction rendition of Gemma T. Leslie’s world. (It’s not even entirely clear that Baz CAN be killed.) I like knowing Rainbow Rowell’s take.

I purchased Carry On with my own funds and was obligated to review it in any way. But I really, really, really liked it.

See what I did there?

*Retracted. J.K. Rowling uses "bag of crisps" in one of the Cormoran Strike/Robin Ellacot novels.

Mindbrowse.com Presents ‘50 Shades of Reality: Insights from BDSM Pros’

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As Couples Get Kinkier, Nevada Brothel Sheri’s Ranch Brings 'Fifty Shades'of Fantasy to Life

PAHRUMP, Nev. / February 2, 2015 [Press Release] – With the momentum of pop culture event Fifty Shades of Grey reaching full sizzle, mainstream society has taken a very kinky turn in the bedroom, and Las Vegas-area brothel/resort Sheri’s Ranch is seeing the results first-hand.

In a recent blog article on Sheri’s website, company spokesman Jeremy Lemur gives readers ‘The Authentic Fifty Shades of Grey Experience’ from the perspective of the brothel, which has a fully-stocked BDSM specialty dungeon with industrial-strength shackles, chains and riding crops “that would even make E.L. James blush.”

“Many couples are excited to try the new toys and accoutrements, but are unaware of the basics of bondage,” said Lemur. “We’re noticing an uptick in the ‘fantasy’ aspect of couples’ pleasure, and Sheri’s dungeon has become a very popular place to explore those desires before committing to this lifestyle at home.”

Fifty Shades-inspired couples may live out the hottest scenes from the story and submit to Sheri’s version of the Red Room of Pain, Sensory-Deprivation Sex, the Bathtub Blow Job, Silk Tie Oral Sex and Ben Wa Balls Spanking, and Sheri’s courtesans are skilled at fulfilling every BDSM fantasy in a safe, comfortable environment.

“Many of the customers who visit Sheri’s are similar to the Fifty Shades character of Anastasia,” said Lemur. “They enter our establishment timid and curious, but soon discover that they have a kinky side that was just itching to come out and play.”

Sheri’s Ranch is located at 10551 Homestead Road, Pahrump, NV 89061. For more information about Sheri’s, please visit the website.

ABOUT SHERI’S RANCH

Sheri’s Ranch is legal brothel, resort and spa located in Pahrump, Nevada, sixty miles west of Las Vegas. The Ranch was purchased by former Chicago homicide detective Chuck Lee in 2001 and was recently remodeled into a fantasyland of suites and bungalows with themes such as Lustful Locker Room, Naughty Classroom and Geisha Girl Bedroom, based on customers’ most popular requests.
Lee has taken great care in maintaining a resort playground with the clients’ safety and privacy in mind.

BOSTON – If you’re a 50 Shades of Grey fan with a gift for writing short fiction, then Sssh.com’s #Sssh50 “kinky tweet” contest has your name all over it.

Starting Thursday February 5, the challenge is to tell a kinky story in a single tweet, using the hashtag #Sssh50. Contestants have more than one chance to win, as each tweet using the #Sssh50 hashtag counts as a separate entry. Tweet submissions will be accepted through February 22, 2015 at midnight EST. The winner will take home an author signed copy of the 50 Shades of Grey Trilogy.

“We’re giving fans a chance to have some fun and use their creativity for a shot at winning a memorable prize,” said Angie Rowntree, owner of Sssh.com, the web's premier porn for women site. “Using Twitter as the medium makes it something people can participate in easily. At the same time, the platform requires contestants to be clever and efficient in order to tell their story in short bursts.”

The winner of the #Sssh50 contest will be announced February 24, during the upcoming MindBrowse.com show “50 Shades of Reality: Insights from BDSM Professionals,” which airs live starting at 3p.m. EST.

"People can pack a lot into tweet," said Lauren MacEwen, from 7 Veils. "The #Sssh50 contest gives people the chance to explore erotica in 140 characters. It will be fun to see how creative tweeps get!"

For more information about “50 Shades of Reality: Insights from BDSM Professionals,” or to watch past Mindbrowse.com shows, go to www.mindbrowse.com. For more information about Angie Rowntree (@AngieRowntree) or Sssh.com, please email us at editor@sssh.com

#BookReview: Fifty Shades Freed by E.L. James

I've now completed E.L. James' Fifty Shades trilogy. (Don't read further if you don't want to be spoiled on the end of the trilogy.) You can read my review of Fifty Shades of Grey here, and my review of Fifty Shades Darker here.

Book Review

If you have read my previous reviews, you'll recall I got rather attached to Christian and Ana as a couple when I read the first book. When I got to its cliffhanger ending, with them broken up, I was eager to read the next one to make sure they got back together. As I read the second book, though, I became disenchanted with Christian's controlling behavior. I could no longer remember why I was so invested in them as a couple. I was also a bit bored by the pacing of the story. It does have some relatively interesting moments, but I felt they were too few and too far between.

Nonetheless, when I start a trilogy, I generally want to finish it, and I wanted to see what happened to Christian and Ana in the third book. I didn't love Fifty Shades Freed for the same issues I had with Darker: Christian can be controlling, and he can also be annoyingly childish when he's upset about something - and he's often upset about something he has absolutely no right to be upset about; the book also appears to be at least 100 pages longer than it needs to be, with unnecessary passages describing the French honeymoon and the ski trip to Aspen. There are some exciting bits, however, so with tighter pacing, it had the potential to be a good story. I didn't dislike the plot very much.

I do wish Ana had more of a backbone to stand up to her husband. She's still so in awe of him, and she's especially willing to give him a free pass on bad behavior because of his terrible childhood. He's not cruel, which according to Beyond Heaving Bosoms: The Smart Bitches’ Guide to Romance Novels by Sarah Wendell and Candy Tan differentiates between the alpha male hero and his "alphole" (alpha asshole) counterpart. But he is a control freak, manipulative, and one of those awful types of people who get silent when they're angry instead of discussing things in an adult fashion. In a real-world partner, these traits would be a deal-breaker, but we all know this is fiction.



So I just hope that in Ana and Christian's HEA, she has broken him of some of his more unpalatable personality traits and gained her own strength and confidence at the same time. She spends a lot of time worried about his anger or potential anger, and life's just too short for that nonsense.

They've never been a perfect couple, but they do sincerely love each other. This was one of my favorite passages:

"'You wanna dance? Let's dance,' he growls close to my ear, and as he rolls his hips around into mine, I can do nothing but follow, his hands holding mine against my backside.

"Oh, Christian can move, really move. He keeps me close, not letting me go, but his hands gradually relax on mine, freeing me. My hands creep around, up his arms, feeling his bunched muscles through his jacket, up to his shoulders. He presses me against him, and I follow his moves as he slowly, sensually dances with me in time to the pulsing beat of the club music.

"The moment he grabs my hand and spins me first one way, then the other, I know he's back with me. I grin. He grins.

"We dance together and it's liberating - fun. His anger forgotten, or suppressed, he whirls me around with consummate skill in our small space on the dance floor, never letting go. He makes me graceful, that's his skill. He makes me sexy, because that's what he is. He makes me feel loved, because in spite of his fifty shades, he has a wealth of love to give. Watching him now, enjoying himself...one could be forgiven for thinking he doesn't have a care in the world. I know his love is clouded with issues overprotectiveness and control, but it doesn't make me love him any less."

It isn't the most graceful writing in the world; it's a little awkward. At other places in the book, James writes dialogue and narration that sound so utterly British, I can't imagine any American who wasn't a transplant from the U.K. uttering them. (Then I start reading silently but imagining I'm reading in an English accent, and then I start laughing.) This trilogy will never win a literary award, but as I mentioned in the first review, my investment is in the characters' relationships, not in the literary style.

Ana simply wants to feel graceful, sexy, and loved. Can anyone really blame her? In real life, overprotectiveness and control are relationship red flags, and very young women especially have to be careful about not letting their fledgling feelings of love overwhelm their reason - and safety. This is Ana's fantasy, however - not reality - and I can't help but be a little happy for her when, at the end, she has her sexy billionaire husband, her dream house, and her son and daughter to make her happy.



The Weird Thing

Now let's talk about the weird thing. In the epilogue, when Ana is pregnant with her daughter, there's this little exchange between Ana and Christian:

"He grins as Blip Two somersaults inside me.

"'I think she likes sex already.'

"Christian frowns. 'Really?' he says dryly. He moves so his lips are against my bump. 'There'll be none of that until you're thirty, young lady.'"

I think even Christian is a little weirded out by Ana's statement that her unborn daughter "likes sex already." I'm glad that Ana seems to be comfortable with her sexuality and accepting of her pregnant body, but in what sense does she think her fetus "likes" sex? Am I wrong, or is that kind of a weird thing for a mom to say about her daughter? I don't have kids - never been pregnant - so maybe it's not as strange as I think it is. Is it?

The Movie

I'm usually excited about movie versions of book I've read and enjoyed, but I have no intention of seeing the movie when it comes out some time in 2014. It's not so much that I don't "approve of" the actors who were cast in the roles of Ana and Christian. I don't even recognize their names. It's more that I'm only going to be happy my imaginary versions of Ana and Christian, not with anybody else's.

I usually don't feel this way. I think Jennifer Lawrence and Josh Hutcherson are a great Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark. The more I look at Theo James, the more I think, "He'll be a great Tobias Eaton." I think I'll like the Divergent movie series. But I can't imagine getting into a Fifty Shades film trilogy.

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How Aoife Brennan Got Started Writing Erotica - Guest Post

So how did a nice woman like me end up writing filth?

I see myself in the dock, facing the judge and having to answer his question. How did a nice middle class, middle aged woman like me end up writing lascivious copy? I can’t even pretend that my debut novel is a bodice ripper in the traditional sense because I used some very frank language and also the sex scenes went on for pages. I didn’t hide behind the euphemisms normally employed to soften text. I did not have my heroine have a ‘between her legs’ or ‘lady garden’ and I didn’t have my heroes have ‘throbbing manhoods’ or ‘sabres’. I called a phallus a phallus and a vagina a vagina. Actually, I used colloquialisms instead including the quite harsh words such as pussy and cock. And I had them doing some very descriptive things - did I mention these couplings went on for pages? Also, you will note I also have only one heroine but lots of heroes. I thought it was time to readdress the balance of the player. Women have needs too, don’t you know.  

So, how did a nice woman like me end up writing filth? My first answer is poverty. There is nothing like an empty bank balance to make the mind go into overdrive. Love may be free but lust will pay the bills. I had two choices. I could either go out there and sell my body, but while it had one careful owner and two offspring, and was in good nick for the mileage, it still wasn’t that attractive. Nor did I fancy doing the dance with no pants with lots of strangers possibly even more decrepit than me! Call me old fashioned, but I scratched that idea off soonest. So, what was the alternative? Writing about it. I decided to follow the old adage - where there is muck there’s brass.

And secondly, I also wanted to put sex into a context. My debut novel, The Cougar Diaries, Part I, is not autobiographical but I had so much say about a woman in her forties entering the dating world again. I had read, along with the rest of the world, 50 shades and hated it. I had said, along with the rest of the world, I could write better and so I did. Of course, time will be the judge of whether my debut novel is better than 50 Shades but I think it will give the genre a good run for the money.

While I disliked the actual books themselves, and could not get past the mid-point of the second, I liked what they did. Take a bow EL James for you brought erotica out of the shadows, dusted it down and put it square and centre in the middle of the living room. I liked that. Women have always liked sex but somehow this century we took a back seat. In ancient Ireland, women had a much more important role to play and could by Brehon law even demand conjugal satisfaction. Somehow this equality got lost and women, especially ‘good’ women were not meant to like sex and God forbid, to like arousal in the form of erotic books and visual aids (aka porn).

However, while I admire the good work in outing the fact ‘women like sex’ achieved by EL James, what I disliked was the main female character. Let me just tick off a few of my annoyances. She was young and virginal yet managed to achieve orgasm at the touch of button – and very often not her clitoral button. For a supposed intelligent woman she was just plain stooopid. When I read the opening scene where she was interviewing Mr Grey and she read out the question ‘Are you gay?’ by mistake, I went what?  How could a university educated woman not be able to read a line ahead without speaking the words out loud? Finally, she was ridiculously beautiful, bagged a billionaire and managed to get loads of really expensive presents into the bargain. This is Barbara Cartland territory only with nipple clamps and whips. Actually, Cartland did have whips, just not the nippley things.

So, I wanted to write a bonk buster but based a bit more on reality. I understand fiction is fiction, but I wanted a main character that I could identify with. And since I am a woman in her forties, newly separated, with teenage children and aged parents, I thought I would write a bit about me. Or me if I were in a bonk busting novel.

Also, I think I am not alone. There are many women in their forties re-entering the dating marketplace. And by parallel causes, men too. But since I am a woman, I decided to write from experience (and imagination). I discovered many things when I became single again. I discovered that men, marital status immaterial, hit on separated women. As a male friend said to me, once he knew a woman was separated, she took on a more sexual appearance to him, even more so than single women. He could not explain why he felt this way. I could not either, but I certainly experienced it first hand.  Then women tend not to trust you around their husbands – ridiculous it felt to me, since affairs are rife in modern Ireland, but I was certainly cut from many social outings as a result.

Then, when you separate, you lose friends. Sometimes, in an acrimonious breakup, you lose the lot! But even in amicable separations, it happens by default. I was again shocked as I felt I hadn’t changed. Of course, it is not me that had changed, but the other person’s view of who I was.  Still, I found it very upsetting to lose people who were friends. It took me a long while to figure out that stuff happens. I learnt not to question myself and not to blame them either. Sometimes, friends are for a reason and for a season.

Then there was sex - the whole thorny issue of getting naked with a stranger. As is pointed out to me in my novel, hopefully the man naked in front of you is not actually a stranger. But it still boils down to the same thing – having sex for the first time with a new person. You’d think, like riding a bike, sex should be easier or at least the same twenty odd years into adulthood. Think again. It is twice as daunting starting out again and you need to be a very brave person to take the first step.

Finally, this novel is not anti-marriage. It does not celebrate singledom.  It is a very realistic look at the life of a 40 plus woman learning to the do the dance with no pants again. Learning to live again. The best review I have got so far was from a happily married friend. Half way through the novel, she booked herself and her husband into a hotel without the children for a 24-hour shagathon. Now, that is a good review!

Happy reading!

Aoife Brennan

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All In: 25 Erotic Stories by Emily Cantore. $4.99 from Smashwords.com
25 erotic short stories from the hot and bothered mind of Emily Cantore! To buy individually would cost a bundle! More than 130,000 words of first-time lesbians, threesomes, girls experimenting, sex toys and much more. Guaranteed to warm you up and get your mind racing!

I finished 'Fifty Shades Darker' - thoughts

You can read my review of Fifty Shades of Grey here. I'll give you my impressions of Fifty Shades Darker in a moment - but first! I have a new release that just came out yesterday.

Here's the blurb: Food and sex – sex and food: two great things that can be even better together!  From soothing chocolate to spicy meatballs the stories in this brand new erotic anthology edited by two masters of the genre - M.CHRISTIAN and ALYN ROSSELINI - feature stories by the crème-de-la-crème of sexual and literary cooking and will tickle your sensual taste buds and stir your pot of erotic thrills.

Basting lovers, cooking orgies, steaming hot encounters, straight as well as queer taste treats ... the stories in HUNGER: A FEAST OF SENSUAL TALES OF SEX AND GASTRONOMY will push boundaries everyone's pleasurable buttons – both erotic and gastronomic: these are stories that will arouse, amuse, amaze, and whet your appetite for more!

Authors in this so-very tasty anthology include: SUSAN ST. AUBIN, DOMINIC SANTI, GISELLE RENARDE, ERIN O'RIORDAN, OLIVIA LONDON, JESSICA LENNOX, KIRSTEN IMANI KASAI, CÈSAR, SANCHEZ ZAPATA, GREGORY L. NORRIS, HEIDI CHAMPA, and BILLIEROSIE.

My contribution is called "Hungry Things." Follow the link to read a short sample; you'll notice the working title of the book was A Lover's Feast: Sensual Food Tales. "Hungry Things" is a sexy tale of George Gordon, Lord Byron and John William Polidori, transported to a modern setting. The physician Polidori has a consuming passion for the poet, even as Byron is struggling with his disordered eating. It's not about trying to make an eating disorder "sexy." It's about trying to love someone who's trying to rally the strength to fight something potentially life-threatening and not always rising above.

I've been fascinated with Polidori since I read Gothic by Richard Davenport-Hines.

I've been fascinated with Byron ever since 12th grade, when we read "Sonnet on Chillon" in British Literature and Mrs. Hess told us Byron was bisexual. The rest of the class was like, "No! Ew!" but that seemed perfectly natural and normal to me.

Hunger is available now from Renaissance E-Books, and it will be available from Amazon and through iBooks soon. You can get it right from your iPad or iPhone. I have not seen it pop up on GoodReads yet, but I imagine it will once it hits Amazon. (Update: Goodreads link.)

I've read the first three stories in my contributor's copy so far. "A Meal" by Susan St. Aubin is, in part, about the proper amounts and types of foods to eat so as not to ruin the sex that might come afterward. It's also about jealousy and the balance of power in open relationships. It's honest writing, and I really appreciate that. "Jeb's Wife" by Dominic Santi is about three military buddies and, well, Jeb's wife, who become a foursome when said wife becomes pregnant and insatiable. It's scorching hot - really sexy stuff. "The Sweetest Burn" by Giselle Renarde describes the erotic pleasure/pain possibilities of mole poblano - Mexican food porn in the more literal sense. (See, because when people tag posts with "Mexican food porn" on Tumblr, they're just pictures of really yummy-looking Mexican food. It's not actual porn.)

Without further ado, thoughts on Fifty Shades Darker by E.L. James.

I remember that I quite enjoyed the first book, which ended with Ana and Christian breaking up. The last sentence: "I curl up, desperately clutching the flat foil balloon and Taylor's handkerchief, and surrender myself to grief." This is like The Twilight Saga: New Moon ending with the blank pages that signify Bella's depression, and I wanted to know what happened next.

Somewhere - possibly on another book blog - I read a snippet of Darker and it involved another woman. I wondered if perhaps Christian and Ana were going to let another woman into their relationship. That's not the case, though. (Spoilers if you haven't read it yet.) There's Leila, a mentally unstable woman who used to be Christian's submissive. When Leila's boyfriend dies, she becomes vaguely threatening to Ana and Christian, but mainly to herself. There's also "Mrs. Robinson," the older woman with whom a teenage Christian had a relationship; Ana considers her abusive and hates her with a passion.

But Christian never suggests adding either of them to his relationship with Ana. If anything, Ana and Christian's relationship is much more conventional in this book than in the previous one; they become engaged.

In my review of the first book, I called Christian Grey an alpha but not an alph-hole, suggesting there are reasonable limits to his controlling behavior. I don't think that anymore. Early in Darker, when Christian gets into Ana's bank account without her knowledge or permission, I really started to dislike him.

I still sympathize with his horrible childhood. I'm confident that my favorite romance heroes are the really damaged ones - see, for example, why Lover Awakened by J.R. Ward is my favorite romance novel - but that shouldn't be an excuse to give a character a pass on emotionally abusive behavior. Or should it? This is fiction, after all, not an actual relationship in which I am a participant. I enjoy Heathcliff as a character in Wuthering Heights even though he's physically and emotionally abusive to his wife, Isabella, and abusive to the woman he essentially forced to become his daughter-in-law, Catherine Linton the younger. I can't help feeling that much of Heathcliff's negative behavior is really the fault of his mistreatment by Hindley and betrayal by Catherine; they forced him into an untenable position.

In real life, I would never tolerate his behavior in a domestic partner. In life, I make no excuses for domestic violence - one instance is reason for an immediate end to a relationship, no questions asked. Fiction is different. In fiction, the author gets to control the consequences of all the characters' actions.

I'm of two minds on this, because whether it's right or wrong, I care about Ana and Christian as a couple. I didn't really love Darker - the middle part bored me, with no real crisis to move the plot along briskly. I feel like it dragged out (but that have been, in part, because I left the book at home while my hubby was in the hospital and I read it only in little snippets each day). Ana comes into conflict with her sexual predator boss Jack (the embodiment of the entitled male privilege mentality), but she handles that like a ninja, although it does seem at the end that Jack will try to get some kind of revenge on Ana and Christian. There is a moment in which it seems Christian and his helicopter are in some danger, but this isn't until almost the end of the book, and it's resolved within a few pages.

Do I want to read the third book? Of course I do - I hate to leave a trilogy unfinished. But I don't have the same enthusiasm for this series that I had when I read the first book. I can't even really remember why I liked it so much in the first place. Yet somehow, I still want to be reassured that Christian and Ana will get married and live happily ever after.

On the plus side, I don't think Ana used the word "crap" quite as many times as she did in the first book.

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Fifty Shades of Grey: My Informed Opinion

I liked Fifty Shades of Grey by E.L. James. I liked it a lot. I was a bit scared at first by Anastasia Steele’s frequent use of the word “crap,” a singularly unappealing word. However, I soon found Ana to be a relatable young woman. Who hasn’t felt overcome in the sight of a human being so attractive it should virtually be a crime? I don’t wonder why she fell so hard for Christian Grey. He’s a very attractive character.

http://fakerain.blogspot.com/2012/05/50-shades-of-pinning.html

I wanted to withhold some of my comments about this novel until I’d read into Beyond Heaving Bosoms: The Smart Bitches’ Guide to Romance Novels by Sarah Wendell and Candy Tan of the website SmartBitchesTrashyBooks.com.  (I’m about halfway through it.) I wanted to compare Fifty Shades to the romance/erotica genre as a whole – not to use genre conventions as a positive or a negative, but merely to show ways in which Fifty Shades falls inside a specific literary tradition.

Whether or not you like Fifty Shades will basically come down to whether or not you like the protagonists. Let's look into some of the reasons why Ana and Christian might, or might not be, likable characters. 

The Innocent Heroine: When the novel commences, Ana is a 21-year-old virgin. This is to be expected, because romance/erotica heroines are, by genre convention, virginal, either literally or figuratively. “One of the more peculiar constants of most romance novels,” Wendell and Tan write, “from historicals to contemporaries to paranormals and even erotica, is the sexually unawakened state of the heroine. She’s relatively innocent, as proven by her inexperience or her outright virginity. No matter what type she is, she’s definitely not the ho-type.” The Unawakened Woman is also unaware of her own beauty, a convention Ana readily embodies.

Tan and Wendell describe ten types of heroines. I feel Ana Steele falls into the category of ingénue. Her characteristics include being “young, innocent, and a tender flower, but what she lacks in experience, she more than makes up for in good humor and a surprising resiliency. She can be clueless at times, but she differentiates herself from the Too Stupid to Live heroine by displaying flashes of good sense.”

Because James wrote Fifty Shades, originally, as Twilight fan fiction, the comparison to Bella Swan from the Twilight series is a useful one. One might assume that Bella is an example of Too Stupid to Live, but Wendell and Tan specifically name Bella as an example of Doormat. Another example of Doormat is Marissa from J.R. Ward’s Black Dagger Brotherhood series. (The examples of Ingénue are not ones I recognize.)

The Irresistible Heroine: No matter what her type, though, the heroine has what Wendell and Tan refer to (somewhat obnoxiously, in my opinion) as The Magic Hoo Hoo. “One taste of the Magic Hoo Hoo is all it takes; the hero won’t be satisfied with anything else, physically or emotionally.” Stephenie Meyer would say she becomes his own personal brand of heroin(e). Christian Grey would say, “You’ve bewitched me:” another genre convention followed.

Identifying with Ana: Is a romance/erotica novel heroine meant to be a placeholder for the reader? This is a matter of some debate, and depends somewhat on the reader and the writer. It’s not necessary for the reader to put herself in the heroine’s shoes, as long as the reader has empathy for the heroine. I found myself easily able to empathize with Ana.

Identifying with Christian: Wendell and Tan suggest that readers are sometimes harsher critics of the heroine of the romance novel than of the hero. “Why is it that romance readers can tolerate any number of crazed behaviors from a romance hero, whereas if a real-life dude did one-tenth of a hero’s dastardly deeds…she’d be calling 911 faster than you can say ‘restraining order?’” The male protagonist gets more of pass, suggests Laura Kinsale in one quote, because “often that’s the way it is in real life – we see what we want to see regarding the opposite sex when we’re in love.” Still, Wendell and Tan add, “Women are not dumb. We know when we’re reading fiction.”

Christian Grey likes to be in control. He can be overbearing and stalkerish – characteristics he still shares with Edward Cullen. It’s okay to like that in a fictional character. “…The fantasy of an overbearing hero can represent for some women devotion, attraction, and protection instead of bullying.” Key word: fantasy. This does not mean we want our significant others to act like control freaks in real life.

The male protagonist also inspires a kind of literary penis envy: readers like strong heroes because we identify with their strength. A more Jungian interpretation of this theory is that “If the hero is the shadow self of the heroine, and the reader, then her conquest represents the same integration of selves, and that integration is what makes the hero so crucially important, and also what makes the happy ending so satisfying.”

Fifty Shades of Grey does not come with happy ending. Perhaps the trilogy does – I don’t know (and no spoilers, please!), but the first book ends at an impasse. Well played, E.L. James. You knew I would have to know how the impasse was resolved, and thus I’d need to buy the next book(s). Either way, it’s a well-worn trope in popular fiction and, especially, Hollywood films that the hero is entitled to the “girl.” See: http://www.cracked.com/article_19785_5-ways-modern-men-are-trained-to-hate-women.html 

The Alpha Hero: BUT when I say that I approve of Christian Grey as a hero, you might take that to mean there are aspects of Christian Grey I want to come to terms with. He also has other qualities that generally make fictional heroes attractive, including the stormy gray eyes. “What, twelve shades of gray doesn’t do it for you? While your heroine may have jewel-tone eyes of the most priceless variety, heroes, they are usually described in metallic terms, ranging from the ever-popular gunmetal gray to steel blue, cold green, or, in a rare and paranormal exception, amber. Never, however, are the hero’s eyes purple. That’s indubitably too gay.”

Note: Wendell and Tan do not say that they personally have a problem with gay, in life or in fiction. They only say that in the conventional heterosexual romance novel trope, “gay” and “bisexual” were usually shorthand for “up to no good.” They recognize that this is slowly changing as m/m/f becomes an increasingly popular subgenre. (Yay!) Note, too, that although Ana embarrasses Christian and herself by asking him if he’s gay early in the novel (and then later asks him if any of his Dom/sub partners have been men), Christian Grey is unrelentingly heterosexual.

He’s alpha without being what Wendell and Tan term an “alphole” (the amalgamation of alpha and asshole). Alphas are strong and confident; alpholes are cruel. Christian Grey is never cruel. He may have issues the size of Washington State, but he never does anything with Ana unless he has her consent.

He also holds at least two of the Romance Cliché Job Options: billionaire and CEO of an unspecified industry. What does he do? Something with food distribution?

[A topic for another day will be how assassin/sniper/CIA agent/former military operative is also a Romance Cliché Job Option. A topic for still another day will be how Josselyn Carter fits the mold of Alpha Heroine.]

Sooo…impossibly beautiful, brilliant, rich, kinky and utterly captivated by Ana? Hell yeah Christian Grey.

In Conclusion: If you’re one of the readers embarrassed to be seen with a copy of Fifty Shades, or any romance novel (as are the women described here), don’t be. “Romance novels do not make you stupid, we promise,” Wendell and Tan write in a section titled, “So, Why is Romance So Often and So Frequently Denigrated?” They answer their own question thus: “Are you a woman? Look in your pants. That could be why.” In short, plain ol’ sexism makes a genre dominated by female writers and readers (and really, all genres are dominated by female readers!) less acceptable to society at large. Fuck society – read proudly. 

Links For Further Reading:
Natalie at Fake Rain's Fifty Shades Pinterest post http://fakerain.blogspot.com/2012/05/50-shades-of-pinning.html

Natalie nominates Ian Somerhalder to play Christian Grey on film http://fakerain.blogspot.com/2012/05/pinning-weekly-link-up.html

Tranae at Becoming Fab nominates Alexander Skarsgard http://www.becomingfab.com/2012/05/50-shades-of-grey.html

What to Read After Fifty Shades http://blogcritics.org/books/article/fed-up-of-fifty-shades-six/

The infamous 50 Shades of Suck Tumblr http://50shadesofsuck.tumblr.com/

Yes, I Finished 'Fifty Shades of Grey.' No, I'm Not Reviewing It (Yet)

Last night I finished the last 120 pages of the first book in E.L. James' Fifty Shades trilogy. I desperately want to review it, BUT not until after I've read further into my other recent Barnes and Noble purchase: Beyond Heaving Bosoms: The Smart Bitches' Guide to Romance Novels. I have ideas about literary loss of virginity and other things that I think Sarah Wendell and Candy Tan can contribute to in a meaningful (and fun) way. So I'm even withholding a star rating on GoodReads until I can get all my thoughts together.

But without that review to share, I have a little bit of blogger's block. (Kind of - I have lots to share on Memorial Day.) So instead I'm stealing this chick's idea, which comes to me through creeping around ThePurpleJunkie's Tumblr. The first 20 songs in my phone, no matter how much they may embarrass me. This is my soul laid bare in musical format.

1. Nelly Furtado, "I'm Like a Bird"

2. Weezer, "Say It Ain't So"

3. Enrique Iglesias, "Bailamos"

4. Billie Holiday, "Willow Weep For Me"

5. Josh Turner, "Firecracker"

6. Zwan, "Honestly"

The name of this Zwan album is an ancient title for the mother-goddess

7. Santana, "Game of Love"

8. Melissa Etheridge, "Refugee"

9. Shonen Knife, "Burning Farm" ~ great Beltane song, btw

10. U2, "So Cruel"

11. Duran Duran, "I Don't Want Your Love" 

12. Puddle of Mud, "She Fucking Hates Me"

13. Shakira, "Suerte"  ~ yes, I know all the Spanish lyrics

14. Maroon 5, "Wake Up Call" ~ Christian Grey and Ana Steele could probably appreciate the Maroon 5 post Beauty Queens of Only 18 and Misery

15. The Spice Girls, "Last Time Lover"

16. Shonen Knife, "Butterfly Boy"

17. Train, "Meet Virginia"

18. Soft Cell, "Tainted Love"

19. P!nk, "Get the Party Started" ~ P!nk will be one of this year's Hanukkah Hotties 

20. Sinead O'Connor, "Regina Caeli" ~ and yes, I know the Latin lyrics ~ Catholic school, yo

NOT something they taught us in Catholic school.

So obviously, my songs haven't been updated in a good, long while. If they had, I'd be listening to "Watching You Watch Him" by Eric Hutchinson, my current song crush about a love triangle. It could be how Jose feels about watching Ana with Christian. 

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WIP Wednesday, in which Erin further explores fanfic

Authors needed - all genres! Are you an author who'd like to share a 100- to 200-word blurb about a current work in progress on a future WIP Wednesday? If so, please send an e-mail to Erin O'Riordan (erinoriordan AT sbcglobal DOT net).

This is the second half of a piece of fan fiction I wrote in between editing "Sheep Shifter" and my next project. I thought about it, and I realized "Sheep Shifter," which features a fully-grown Alice of Wonderland fame is also, in a way, fan fiction. I didn't invent those characters, either. It's similar to the stories collected in Fantastic Alice:New Stories of Wonderland, edited by Margaret Weis.

Snicker on, but E.L. James' 50 Shades of Grey trilogy, currently at the top of the bestseller list, also started out as fanfic. Twilight fanfic.

This is raw, unedited, the first and only draft. WIP Wednesday seems like as a good a place to post this as any. Last week's fic (catch up HERE) was a bit of a tease, the lead-up to the should-be relationship that's consummated in this part.

____

As he sat on the edge of the bed, she came around to his side. “You’re a beautiful woman, Joss.” She watched the way he bit his lower lip and almost leaned in to kiss him, but thought better of it. In her moment’s hesitation, he reached up for her and pulled her into his lap. It felt oddly familiar, as if she belonged here, and turned her on more than she’d dared to fantasize about.

He lay back, pulling her down with him, gently maneuvering her so her breasts were in his face. He sucked one while his fingers played lightly with the other. She drove her hips into him, crazy with wanting. “John – condom.”

“Not yet,” he said into her chest. She sighed in frustration. Before she knew what was happening, he had her flat on her back. She expected to feel his weight on top of her, but instead he spread her legs and knelt between them. She decided not to be offended at the way he liked to take control.

It was impossible to be offended at the way he slowly kissed and sucked his way up the inside of her thigh. His hot breath felt good, and the way one hand lightly brushed the inside of her other thigh gave her shivers. She caught herself moaning as if the pleasure were some terrible pain.

“Don’t stop,” she begged, sounding more desperate than she’d intended. He sounded pleased with himself as she reached down to run her fingers through his hair – and subtly nudge him closer to her very needy clit.

He seemed to get the message, slipping two fingers inside her as he circled her clit with his tongue. She spread her legs wider, welcoming him in further. Those fingers felt so good…and it had been so long since anyone had touched her like this…

The pressure steadily increased, and Carter’s hips swung wildly. Struggling not to scream, she came hard. John’s mouth never left her, but when Carter caught her breath and looked up, their eyes met. She sat up, threw her arms around him and took his mouth with hers. No feelings, she told herself. She only wanted the sensation.

Pressed against him, exploring her taste with her tongue inside his mouth, with his rock-hard erection against her belly, Carter felt as though she would burn if she didn’t have him inside her. She broke away. “Condom. Now.”

He nodded and located the wrapper near her foot. He ripped the package open, and she helped him roll it on. He wrapped his arms around her and started to lay her back down, but she stopped him with a hand on his chest. “There’s something you need to know - I don’t like to be held down.”

“I won’t.” He lay on his side, head on the pillow, and she lay beside him, looking into his eyes. He pulled her tight against him, holding her hips. The heat between their bodies was incredible; she felt the sweat pool between her breasts. “Joss, I need to-“

“Oh, god, John, do it.” She closed her eyes and put her leg over his to let him in. They both sighed – this felt natural, but also thrilling. He held her hips tightly, but mostly lay still while she moved against him. She wanted this. After all her nights of dreaming of this moment, she finally had him inside her, filling her, and it felt much better than she’d imagined. His obvious sounds of pleasure only turned her on more, and within minutes she came again. Harder. Longer. She bit her lip to keep from screaming, but was still surprised at the desperate sounds she made.

Laughing softly, he brought his mouth close to her ear. “If I promise not to hold you down, will you let me take over?”

She’d barely managed to get out a “yes” before he pulled away from her, only to pick her up, stand up and set her ass on the headboard. The bed squeaked in protest as she wrapped her legs around him. Both the headboard and her back slammed against the wall, but Carter didn’t mind. She knew what John was capable of when something drew his anger, but tonight his aggression only served her pleasure.

Her pleasure heightened when she opened her eyes, peeked around his shoulder and saw their reflection in the mirror behind the TV. All this time, those dark suits had been hiding that beautiful ass. She watched him grinding into her, legs wrapped around him, feeling each stroke as she watched its reflection.

If only the room had a mirror on the ceiling. She would have loved to watch him kneeling between her thighs, her fingers twisting in his hair while he ate her. Just the thought pushed Carter to the edge again, but as she listened to John’s hard breathing, she wondered if she could make him lose it with her. What would be sweeter than watching Mr. Control Freak lose his mind?

She dug her nails deeper into his back. If only he wasn’t so…oh god…too late. He rode her hard while she came again. She bit her lip so hard, she tasted blood, but still couldn’t keep herself completely quiet.

Her muted screams only seemed to have one effect on John, though. He brought his lips closer to her ear and whispered, “Again, Joss? You really needed it bad, huh?”

“Don’t you?”

“Yeah.”

“Your turn next.”

Her words did something to him; he groaned loudly and slammed his hand into the wall. A moment later, he pulled them back down to the mattress – leaving her on top, as he promised. She kept her eyes locked onto his as she sat up straight and tried her best to give as good as she got.

She knew his was close from the way he panted and clutched her hips. They were both covered in sweat by now, and his hair was wild. She wanted to savor this accomplishment, but even more, she wanted to watch him come inside her.

He turned his head, but Carter said sternly, “John, look at me.” He turned to her, his eyes wide. She felt his muscles tense underneath her, but wasn’t expecting the raw scream she tore from his throat. She never stopped swinging her hips, never broke eye contact, but broke out in a satisfied, joyful laugh. John’s holler tapered off into a deep laugh, and if Carter wasn’t mistaken, he sounded pretty satisfied, too.

Separating felt unnatural, but she had to let him take the condom off. Carter got under the covers. She wanted to get home to her son, but she had to rest first. As she turned toward the pillow, exhausted, he moved her hair aside and kissed the back of her neck. “No complications,” she reminded him. She must have fallen asleep quickly. When she woke up, he was simply gone.
___

In case you're wondering what, I imagine, happens next, I refer you to the post titled "...in which the term 13-inch is thrown about shamelessly." I actually wrote a little bit more after that, which I will share...eventually, I'm sure. As I'm sure you realize, this could not possibly end happily-ever-after. How could a woman ever have a real relationship with an emotionally damaged, essentially soulless CIA killing machine? This is all sex and angst, not romance.

BTW, my Homicide/Scooby Doo crossover doesn't sound so - um, whimsical - when you consider THIS, in which Harold Finch is a young wizard at Hogwarts, being sorted by the sorting hat. Spoiler alert! - Ravenclaw. (I'm a Ravenclaw, too.) I wonder if the hat puts Reese in Slytherin? Dude capped so many people, he could make, like, 1,000 horcruxes and never die. But you know the expression: