Thursday, October 30, 2014

Someone Please Stop Me Before I Fanfic Again

Mourning angel in Florence, Italy. Photo by Mark Voorendt, April 2001.
I have a serious problem and I must be stopped. I turned to The Good Book for help, and I saw that it said:

"And it came to pass, when men began to multiply on the face of the earth, and daughters were born unto them,
That the sons of God saw the daughters of men that they were fair; and they took them wives of all which they chose.
And the Lord said, My spirit shall not always strive with man, for that he also is flesh: yet his days shall be an hundred and twenty years.
There were giants in the earth in those days; and also after that, when the sons of God came in unto the daughters of men, and they bare children to them, the same became mighty men which were of old, men of renown."

(Genesis 6:1-4, in the beautiful archaic English of the King James Bible. In the Hebrew Bible, Genesis is called Bereshit, Hebrew for "In the Beginning.")

Interpretations of this odd ancient passage vary, but it seems to be about male angels having sex with human women. However, it's male angel-human man sex that I can't seem to get out of my mind. But really, if human-angel sex is allowed by the Bible, it should be an acceptable subject for me to write about, right?

Even if it's Destiel fan fiction? Because after yesterday's video, I did another thing, in the paper-bound notebook:

Immediately after Cas tells Sam and Dean about having sex with April (this video), Dean leaves the room. Sam tells Cas that Dean is upset, but Cas can't understand why.

Photo by Gage Skidmore. Cropped. 

"You mean you really don't know?"

"I'm afraid I don't understand, Sam."

"The bond between you and Dean - it makes him feel a certain way about you. He can't stand the thought of you with someone else."

Cas is shocked. "Dean has...romantic feelings...for me?"

Sam claps a hand over Cas's shoulder. "He loves you."

Their eyes meet. "I didn't mean to hurt him, Sam. April is a wonderful woman: she's beautiful, kind, and so unselfish. I felt lonely, she wished to comfort me, and this body reacted to her."

Sam nods. "I get it, Cas, but Dean won't. He only knows how he feels about you, and right now he feels like you betrayed him."

"I would never."

They hear the door slam, and Cas realizes Dean has heard their whole conversation. He runs out after him, into the night. [Okay, it's day time in the video. I used some creative license. It's more dramatic in the late evening, after sunset.]

"Dean!"

Dean stops midway to the Impala, but doesn't turn around. "Leave me alone, Cas."

"Dean, I'm sorry. I didn't know."

Dean turns his head, his green eyes narrowed in anger. "After all this time, how could you not know?"

"I've never been human before. Your feelings are all new to me."

"Yeah? Well, it sounds like you figured them out with April."

"Dean, I like April as a person, but she and I can never have the bond you and I have."

"I know, Cas! That's why it hurts! How could you be with her and not me?"

Silence hangs in the air between them. Dean's breath leaves him in puffs of steam. Cas closes the space between them, but he knows better than to touch Dean. He does force Dean to look him in the eyes, though.

Photo by Gage Skidmore. I cropped it at PicMonkey. 
"Dean Winchester, I did not mean to hurt you, but I will not do so again. I vow to you that as long as you live, I will not make love with another being, human or angel. I will not ask you to make the same vow. I would not take away your freedom."

Dean's eyes are filled with tears. Cas longs to wipe them away, but he doesn't dare touch the other man.

"You don't know what you're saying, Cas."

"I do. I'm an angel of the Lord, Dean. I don't know how to lie."

In a quiet voice, Dean asks, "You would be my lover, Castiel?"

"Yes, Dean. I would like to know how your lips would feel against mine. This body reacts to you. It likes the way you walk and the way you smell. April allowed me to taste her. The scent of her body was...there are no words for the pleasure." He exhales as Dean rolls his eyes. "I would like to taste you. I would like to take you in my mouth and give you pleasure until your release, and then taste your essence. I would burn for you, and I hope you would let me inside you. April's body yielded to mine - would you do the same, warrior? Could you allow yourself to be so open?"

"Stop." Dean's chest heaves, his breathing hard.

Cas nods. "I'll leave you alone. I will keep my vow, and I hope you can accept my apologies." Cas turns back toward the house.

"Castiel." The angel turns, looking into Dean's eyes once more. The anger has softened. "I won't be your experiment. If we make love, it has to be because you care about me."

"I have always cared about you, Dean, body and soul."

Dean closes his eyes. His voice has a husky catch to it. "Not tonight," he says.

Cas nods. "Not tonight."

"I'm still angry with you."

"I know."

All at once, Dean takes Cas's face in both hands, caresses his cheeks, pulls him in, and kisses him deeply. Despite his dull human senses, every cell in Cas's body seems to react, and the evening's cold disappears. He is suddenly, desperately aware of how badly his body longs for Dean's.

They separate. Dean gets in the car and drives away. Cas skips dinner with Sam. Instead he takes a long shower and lies down to sleep.

When he wakes in the middle of the night, Cas is aware of Dean's body on the bed beside him, close but not touching him. He longs to pull Dean into his embrace, but he must wait for Dean's anger to cool first. He leans his face in toward Dean's, slightly, hoping to feel the warmth of his body.

***

Send help before I progress from angsty, suggestive fanfics to explicit angel buttsex. I really enjoy the phrase "angel buttsex," mind you.

I have been on Tumblr too long. Halp.

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