Friday, October 24, 2014

In Which the Best-Laid Schemes o' Destiel Gang Aft Agley

I woke up from strange, wonderful dreams which I'll set out to record here [a paperback notebook], while Tit Elingtin is having an outpatient medical procedure [then transcribed to blog form later that same day].

First, let me begin by saying I don't watch the TV show Supernatural. I've never seen a single episode. My nieces watch it with their mom, and they used to have me play that they were Sam and Dean Winchester's girlfriends and I was their older sister.

But.

Tumblr.

Thanks to following so many Supernatural fans on Tumblr, I know that  many, many fans of the show postulate and ship a hypothetical romance between Dean and the angel Castiel. This ship has a name: Destiel.

Thanks to Tumblr and the general loveliness of actors Jensen Ackles and Misha Collins, I fear that I now ship Destiel. I fear, too, that I am now developing a bit of a crush on Misha Collins.

I mean, look at this dumb nerd. Creative Commons image by Keith McDuffee
Such being the case, I may have been on YouTube, and I may have watched a Destiel fan video or two, as one does when one has a new ship and is seeking confirmation that said ship is sailed by others.

Dang it all to heck if Ackles and Collins don't each have deeper, sexier voices than I'd imagined. Blast their hides; why did they have to get even more attractive?

So while I watched a Destiel video:


...I noticed in the right-hand column a video of a sex scene between Castiel and a human woman. I think she's a mortal human - Dean called her a Reaper but I don't know what that means. I don't think she's an angel. (Charmingly, Dean asks Cas if he used protection, and Cas answers that he had his angel blade.)

Naturally, the prospect of watching a dramatic enactment of Misha's character in adult situations held a certain prurient interest for me. I'm only human, 0% angel, I assure you.


I watched, but the clip is very much rated for network television: mildly suggestive at best. Apparently Castiel is new to the experience of the human body. He'd recently discovered the feelings of hunger, cold, and loneliness. His reaper companion offers to ease his loneliness. She touches his face. His lips quivers in a charming, adorable way. They kiss.

Fade to black.

Then they're lying in her bed, he shirtless, she tastefully covered up - the deed has been done, and Cas wants to know if he did it right. What a tease! I believe my comment was something to the effect of, "If only this were on Showtime, and we could see Cas get his proverbial cherry popped in all its filthy, delicious glory." I'm only human.

Keep in mind, Tit Elingtin and I recently finished binge-watching Californication on Netflix. (Look for an upcoming post on my favorite female characters from that series.) I'd gotten used to True Blood-style explicitness.

All of that is the background information needed to understand the dream proper. I dreamed:

I was at my grandma's house, sort of. It was a dreamlike combination of her actual doublewide trailer home, including the bedroom where my cousin Joe sleeps, and of an imaginary fancy-schmancy suburban house. In the front room, someone - definitely not my granny, but possibly me - had set up a lot of Barbie doll houses and playsets. They were arranged, not in a cluttery Hoarders way, but the way a child might arrange them, like a whole Barbie village.

The house had a basement. It also had - and for this I blame a project I'd been working on for a travel website - an arcade. I played a video game involving The Avengers (and for that I blame the fact that the trailer for Age of Ultron leaked and was all over - what else but- Tumblr). It seemed like a new game, and I wondered whether Grandma was still adding to the arcade, which had been there since my grandpa was alive (he died in 1994). Tit and my parents were all present, as were some contractors who were installing flooring in the basement.

Then we ordered pizzas, went out and bought beer and wine, and had a party. The contractors' whole company - office staff and all - came and partied with us. Neighbors came. Strangers came. A local comedian who was getting kind of nationally famous came, with her boyfriend and three kids. I had fun playing Barbies with the two girls, while the boy ate some snacks I'd found for him.

Castiel and Sam were there, too. Not Dean but Sam. (I should mention we'd also recently watched the first couple of episodes of Gilmore Girls, with young Jared Padalecki showing up as a character named Dean to sweep Rory off her feet with his knowledge of Ruth Gordon in Rosemary's Baby.) They found a quiet, unoccupied room in the basement - a bedroom - and had the sex. Sam was sitting up on his knees, and Cas got behind him. They used lube but no condom.

Sam got pregnant.

For the record, I'm not generally a fan of mpreg (male pregnancy) fiction. I don't think there's anything wrong with it, and I don't judge anyone who's a fan, but it's just not for me. The exception is the canon!mpreg on Star Trek: Enterprise. I love that episode when Trip's hand-holding with a female from another humanoid species results in his body carrying the lady's clone/daughter (only her DNA, none of his). Spoiler Alert! Trip never does give birth, but the embryo is safely transferred to a surrogate, and then the daughter is lovingly raised by the mother.

But there Sam was, pregnant with a human-angel hybrid offspring, and he was freaking out because how was the baby going to come out?!

Easily, it turned out. Hours after conception, Cas simply opened a pouch on Sam's jacket and their unusual child came out, perfectly clean, no fuss no muss, as if he had never been inside Sam. He was a beautiful being, but not human-looking at all. He was similar to a snow-white fox, or the young of a Chinese dragon or of the dragon from Spirited Away. He was already very alert and aware from birth, and he grew very fast. By the end of the night, he'd completely morphed and looked like a 10-year-old boy. For simplicity's sake, I called him my nephew. It was too hard to explain to all the party guests.

Sam and Cas continued their physical relationship, but I guess they used protection, because no further magical offspring ensued. However, they were once interrupted in flagrante by the devil, who wanted to know if Cas's involvement in same-sex sexual relations meant that Cas was now a fallen angel. For some reason of dream-logic, Cas tried to assure the devil that he was, in fact, doing something very wicked. Then, while the devil was still standing there (looking perfectly human, by the way, but not like the actor who plays Satan on Supernatural, whom I understand to be the same actor who played Jacob on Lost - Mark something, I think his name is) [it's Mark Pellegrino], an angel came down. Cas argued just as vociferously to her that he was doing something fine and noble, acting in a natural way on his deep, everlasting love for Sam, the loving act of a devoted husband. Mind you, the devil and the angel were standing right next to each other while Cas argued two antithetical viewpoints to them. It makes no sense, I know.

I woke up, chagrined I'd dreamed of Cas fathering a child with Sam when everyone in the world knows Sam is a straight guy while Dean - well, I don't think he's canon!bisexual on the show, and yet it hasn't been conclusively established that he isn't attracted to men as well as women. He could be bisexual. And angels - well, since they're imaginary beings, who knows how their sexual orientations work? Maybe all humans are equally beautiful to them.

So as I tried to get back to sleep, I imagined that after he experienced sex with a woman, Cas was extremely curious about how sex with Dean would be different... [end of notes]

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