Tuesday, May 17, 2011

"Get Nurtured, Loved, and Supported… BY YOU!" Guest Post by Joanna Lindenbaum

Mother’s day is a time to celebrate Mom but it’s also a great day to take time to be nurtured, seen, appreciated, loved, and taken care of. Not all of us are mothers BUT we all need mothering sometimes. Not everyone’s Mom was June Cleaver but here’s what I’ve learned: no matter how amazing your mother has been – no matter how much she loved and nurtured you – she is not perfect. No mother is.

In other words, none of us have found in our mothers the opportunity to ALWAYS be seen, always be heard, always have our opinion valued, always be given the benefit of the doubt, always be respected. As you grow up, as a side-effect, you might feel unseen, undervalued, and unheard. Maybe you were told that you were “too much” or “not enough” of something but regardless of what your story is, chances are that story had a HUGE effect on your life and how you see yourself. Right?

My mom did the best she could with what she had but she left some not-so-savory held beliefs inside of me. But I forgive her and I realize she’ll never be able to give me what that little girl inside me needs – full acceptance and permission to be my own person, which is essential to being a happy and healthy person.

Once I figured it out, I decided it was time to find that acceptance and happiness – and stop at nothing for that permission to be big and fully successful. What did I do? I found the Mother inside of myself. You can find her, too. Call her your inner Mother, Great Mother, Goddess, Big Mama… whatever you like but SHE can mother you into fully loving and valuing yourself.

Accessing her is easier than you think. You need to cultivate a relationship with her and one of the simplest ways to do that is to create a dialogue with her. It seems corny but try writing a letter to yourself from her. If you do ANYTHING today, it’s this little homework assignment – write a letter to yourself from your inner mother. Don’t be shy. I’ll show you what my inner mother wrote to me:

Dear Joanna,

You are so important to me. I see you and love you, for YOU, for who YOU are, not for whom I think you should be. I don’t need for you to be anything for me. I want you to be YOU. You, beautiful, you. You can be yourself with me, I will love you no matter what.

Because I see how valuable you are, how magical you are, how wonderful you are, how alive you are. I love every last bit of what I see, both in your strengths and in your imperfections.

Joanna, I don’t need for you to do or be anything. You owe me nothing. I am here to love you and keep you safe, and doing this and being in your gorgeous presence is ALL I need from you.

I don’t want or need or expect you to take care of me - I will do that on my own. I trust you and your instinct and your heart. I respect you. I honor you. And my wish is that you enjoy your life, and also remember to have fun often.

Love yourself fiercely, The Real Mama

What does your inner mother say to you?

Joanna Lindenbaum, M.A., has 12 years of teaching and coaching experience. As a life coach and founder of Soulful Coaching for Busy Women, she invites women to think bigger, to embrace their power, and to create more compelling and exciting goals for themselves. Her coaching philosophy centers on a deep respect for the inner wisdom that each woman holds inside of herself. By activating this inner wisdom, Joanna helps her clients achieve extraordinary success in business, career, and life. Sign up for Joanna’s free eCourse and overcome the 5 most common obstacles to the life of your dreams.

1 comment:

shah wharton said...

I've read a lot of self help books over the years and heard similar things to this. What it stand for is marvelous, but not all of us can access that level of acceptance so easily - my acceptance come s from my relationship with my husband. I am only 100% myself with him or alone. ITs no ones fault, not mine or my abusers or all those others I allowed to crap on me in hard times. Just the way it is for me. But I'm cool with how my life is now - if I lost my husband I don't know what I'd do though. Doesn't bear thinking about tbh. Great post Erin. Sorry I've not been by lately - WAY to many things on lately. Did you see my request to blog share anywhere yet? Give it some thought and let me know. Shah X