This is a writing exercise I call Dream / Job / Dream Job; feel free to steal it. What I've done is take a snippet from
Erin's Dream Diary, then a line from the "Other Work Experience" section of my resume, then combine the two into an imaginary "dream job."
Dream: What am I? A poet, some would tell you. A monster, others would say. They call me “monster” because they have never known one like me. What they call badness I merely call enjoying the full range of pleasures bestowed on me by my Creatrix.
I traveled with a man-servant I was in the habit of calling The Boy, because he had been in my service since, when he was eleven, his aristocrat mother turned him out of the house, deciding he should make his own way in the world. That was nearly a decade ago, and he was certainly a man now, with a beard and a physique any Classical sculptor would have killed to reproduce in stone. Not that I thought of The Boy like that…until the occurrence at Lillian’s.
Job: Document Preparer, Information Records Associates, 1998
Dream Job: I’m the professional assistant to a charming, quirky best-selling author with a reputation (mostly unjustified) for being slightly...dangerous.
***
Dream: Suffice it to say, under a scenario in which a weird biohazard reduced the human population to about 300 individuals, including myself and the de facto leader of the survivors, my husband Tit Elingtin. Hubby was busy, what with the effort to ensure the survival of the human race and all, so I developed an attachment to a fellow survivor.
Job: Night Receptionist, Memorial Hospital, 1999
Dream Job: As the night receptionist at the hospital, I’m in charge of letting the on-call doctors know when something unusual is happening. My close attention to detail and quick actions alert the hospital to the very beginning of a zombie virus outbreak, helping them head off the
zombie apocalypse in its very earliest stages.
***
Dream: On his home planet, he was also a witch. He showed me a book of the Craft from his home world that told him which roots to dig up and give me for morning sickness. Fortunately, they also grew on Earth, but he could only dig them up by the light of the full moon, and he had to chew them up for me. (This is oddly sweet - the father having to chew up the roots that will benefit his child in utero.)
Job: Hostess/ Bartender, East Bank Emporium Restaurant, 1999-2001
Dream Job: I’m the hostess and an occasional bartender at a bar run by witches. When it’s my shift behind the bar, I mix up cocktails with magical ingredients to create spells to help the customers with their minor troubles, from heartache to problems finding a job.
***
Dream: a) I found a bullhorn, with which I intended to lead the neighborhood in a sing-along of the B-52s song "Love Shack," and
b) I ate some Legos.
Job: Mental Health Technician, Madison Center for Children 2001-2005 and 2008-January 2010
Dream Job: I work with children aged 7 to 12 in an outpatient setting with the goal of helping them meet specific behavior targets. We emphasize group participation in fun, hands-on activities and lots of positive reinforcement and verbal praise. At snack time, we eat healthy snacks cut into fun Lego shapes.
***
Dream: We found an unguarded stash of snacks bound for the cafeteria and snagged a bag of Cheetos. Then we sat on the gym steps, eating our ill-gotten gains, and I joked that I was sexually aroused by Cheetos.
Job: Remodeling Contractor, Self-Employed, 2005-October 2010
Dream Job: My husband and I are a remodeling team, but the houses we remodel are like gingerbread houses, except rather than gingerbread they’re Cheetos.
***
My other writing exercise, which you can read over at
Archive of Our Own (AO3), has been tweaking the Professor Bhaer chapters of
Little Women - using Louisa May Alcott's original text - so that rather than a Friedrich, Professor Bhaer is a Frederica.
