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Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Cupid and Psyche Mash-Up - #Destiel AU Pt. 2

Part One is here.

Dean slept peacefully that night enfolded in his lover's wings, but woke up alone. The sun's first light revealed a trace of his lover in the form of a single feather, black at first glance but shimmering with all the colors of the rainbow when held in the light.

This half-and-half companionship could not fully content Dean; still he was happy and the time passed swiftly. One night, however, his dear though unseen husband spoke gravely to him and warned him that danger in the shape of his brother was approaching. "Sam is coming to the hill where you disappeared, to weep for you," he said, "but you must not let him see you or you will bring great sorrow upon me and ruin to yourself."

Dean promised he would not, but all the next day he passed in weeping, thinking of his brother and himself unable to comfort him. He was still in tears when his husband came and even his caresses could not check them. At last he yielded sorrowfully to Dean's great desire.

"Do what you will," he said, "but you are seeking your own destruction." Then he warned Dean solemnly not to be persuaded by Sam to try to see him, on pain of being separated from him forever.

Dean cried out that he would never do so. He would die a hundred times over rather than live without him. "But give me this joy," he said: "to see my brother." Sadly Dean's husband promised him that it should be so.

The next morning Sam came, brought down from the mountain by Zephyr. Happy and excited, Dean was waiting for him. It was long before the two brothers could speak to each other; their joy was too great to be expressed except by tears and embraces. But when at last they entered the palace and Sam saw its surpassing treasures, when he sat at the rich banquet and heard the marvelous music, bitter envy took possession of him and a devouring curiosity as to who was the lord of all this magnificence and his brother's husband.

"Texts From the Impala" Meme. http://thatwritererinoriordan.tumblr.com/post/102088409445
But Dean kept faith; he told Sam only that his husband was a young man, away now on a hunting expedition. "How is Jessica?" Dean asked, changing the subject.

"Jess is fine. She's huge - I mean, she's very pregnant. We're going to have a little prince or princess."

Dean gave Sam another hug. "Congratulations, bro."

"Thanks. So, no babies for you, huh?"

"We don't need babies to be happy."

Sam seemed to notice something. "What's this thing around your neck?"

Dean smiled. "My leather collar. Do you like it?"

"He put a collar on you - like you're his slave, or his dog?"

"No, he gave me this collar as a gift because he loves me. It's pretty, it smells good, and sometimes - at just the right moment - he slips two fingers inside it and it tightens up just enough..."

"That's sick, Dean."

"No! It's nice. It's like when he pulls my hair. Don't you ever pull Jessica's hair?"

"Dude, no. She's a queen; she would have me beheaded. Dean, he treats you horribly, but you're so innocent you think that's love."

"You're wrong, Sam. Not everybody has to love the same way. Jessica is a tiny person compared to you, so you're sweet and gentle with her. My husband can be very sweet and gentle, and other times, he shoves me against the wall - and I like that. I know he loves me."

Then filling Sam's hands with gold and jewels, he had Zephyr bear him back to the hill. "See you later, jerk."

Sam went willingly enough, but his heart was on fire with jealousy. "Not if I see you first, bitch." All his own wealth and good fortune seemed as nothing compared with Dean's, and his envious anger so worked in him that he came finally to plotting how to ruin him.


That very night Dean's husband warned him once more. Dean would not listen when he begged him not to let Sam come again.  "You can never see me," he reminded Dean. Was Dean also to be forbidden to see all others, even his brother so dear to him?

He yielded as before, and very soon Sam arrived, with his plot carefully worked out. Already, because of Dean's stumbling and contradictory answer when Sam asked him what his husband looked like, he had become convinced that Dean had never set eyes on him and did not really know what he was. Sam did not tell Dean this, but he reproached his older brother for hiding his terrible state from him, his own brother. Sam had learned, he said, and knew for a fact, that Dean's husband was not a man, but the fearful serpent demon Apollo's oracle had declared he would be. He was kind now, no doubt, but he would certainly turn upon him some night and devour him.

Dean, aghast, felt terror flooding his heart instead of love. He had wondered so often why his husband would never let him see him. There must be some dreadful reason. What did he really know about him? If he was not horrible to look at, then he was cruel to forbid him ever to behold him. In extreme misery, faltering and stammering he gave his brother to understand that he could not deny what he said, because he had been with him only in the dark. "There must be something very wrong," he sobbed, "for him so to shun the light of day." And he begged Sam to advise him.

Sam had his advice all prepared beforehand: That night Dean must hide a sharp knife and a lamp near his bed. When his husband was fast asleep he must leave the bed, light the lamp, and get the knife. He must steel himself to plunge it swiftly into the body of the frightful being the light would certainly show him. "I will be near," Sam said, "and carry you away with me when he is dead."

Then Sam left Dean torn by doubt and distracted what to do. Dean loved him; he was his dear husband. No; he was a horrible serpent demon and he loathed him. He would kill him — he would not. He must have certainty — he did not want certainty. So all day long his thoughts fought with each other. When evening came, however, he had given the struggle up. One thing he was determined to do: He would see him.

When at last he lay sleeping quietly, Dean summoned all his courage and lit the lamp. He tiptoed to the bed and holding the light high above him he gazed at what lay there.

http://thatwritererinoriordan.tumblr.com/post/105337717180/feistypadalecki-castiel-sleeping#notes
Oh, the relief and the rapture that filled his heart. No monster was revealed, but the sweetest and fairest of all creatures, at whose sight the very lamp seemed to shine brighter. In his first shame at his folly and lack of faith, Dean fell on his knees and would have plunged the knife into his own breast if it had not fallen from his trembling hands.

But those same unsteady hands that saved him betrayed him, too, for as he hung over him, ravished at the sight of him and unable to deny himself the bliss of filling his eyes with his beauty, some hot oil fell from the lamp upon his shoulder. He started awake: he saw the light and knew Dean's faithlessness, and without a word he fled from him.

Dean rushed out after him into the night. He could not see him, but he heard his voice speaking to him. He told Dean who he was, and sadly bade him farewell. "Love cannot live where there is no trust," he said, and flew away.

'The God of Love!" he thought. "He was my husband, and I, assbutt that I am, could not keep faith with him. Is he gone from me forever? At any rate," he told himself with rising courage, "I can spend the rest of my life searching for him. If he has no more love left for me, at least I can show him how much I love him." And he started on his journey. He had no idea where to go; he knew only that he would never give up looking for him.

(Happily-ever-after ending to come in Part 3.)

In Other Fan Fiction News: Squee! Rainbow Rowell is writing Carry On, a book about Simon Snow (and, I should really hope, Baz too). Its projected release date is in October 2015, and it will contain Simon Snow fan art by actual fangirls. It's super meta, and I'm so excited. Is this going to be the first mainstream bestseller based on same sex romantic fan fiction?

Monday, December 15, 2014

The Woman Who Couldn't Stop Reading 'The Latke Who Couldn't Stop Screaming'

Hanukkah begins at sundown tomorrow, but I (finally) read this book at a really inappropriate time: in mid-March, much closer to Purim than to Hanukkah.


...but I couldn't find any books about screaming hamantaschen, so it had to do.

Actually, I bought it because I got a good deal on a used copy from Better World Books, and it happened to be almost springtime. I'd been wanting to read this for years, and I wasn't disappointed.

Like almost everything Daniel Handler writes as Lemony Snicket, it's laugh-out-loud funny. Some of the best quotes in it are:

1) “Santa Claus has nothing to do with it," the latke said. "Christmas and Hanukkah are completely different things."

"But different things can often blend together," said the pine tree. "Let me tell you a funny story about pagan rituals.”

2) “It is very frustrating not to be understood in this world. If you say one thing and keep being told that you mean something else, it can make you want to scream. But somewhere in the world there is a place for all of us, whether you are an electric form of decoration, peppermint-scented sweet, a source of timber, or a potato pancake.”

One caveat: It did make me crave deep-fried foods.

Sunday, December 14, 2014

Destiel AU in Which Castiel Is Cupid and Dean is Psyche

The base text comes from Edith Hamilton's Mythology, taken in turn from Apuleius, an ancient Roman writer imitating the style of Ovid. You can read the full text online for free at http://misdtx.schoolwires.com/cms/lib/tx21000394/centricity/domain/312/edith%20hamilton%20-%20mythology.pdf

There was once a demon hunter who had two sons, both lovely, but the elder, Dean, excelled his brother so greatly that beside Sam he seemed a very god consorting with mere mortals.

http://thatwritererinoriordan.tumblr.com/post/102089525385#notes
The fame of his surpassing beauty spread over the earth, and everywhere men and women journeyed to gaze upon him with wonder and adoration and to do him homage as though he were in truth one of the immortals. They would even say that Venus herself could not equal this mortal. As they thronged in ever-growing numbers to worship his loveliness no one any more gave a thought to Venus herself. Her temples were neglected, her altars foul with cold ashes, her favorite towns deserted and falling in ruins. All the honors once hers were now given to a mere boy destined some day to die.

It may well be believed that the goddess would not put up with this treatment. As always when she was in trouble she turned for help to her son, that beautiful winged youth whom some call Cupid and others Love, against whose arrows there is no defense. neither in heaven nor on the earth. She told him her wrongs and as always he was ready to do her bidding. "Use your power,” she said, "and make the hussy fall madly in love with the vilest and most despicable creature there is in the whole world."

And so no doubt he would have done, if Venus had not first shown him Dean, never thinking in her jealous rage what such beauty might do even to the God of Love himself.

http://thatwritererinoriordan.tumblr.com/post/101594836850/deancasheadcanons-click-here-for-more#notes
As he looked upon him it was as if he had shot one of his arrows into his own heart. He said nothing to his mother, indeed he had no power to utter a word, and Venus left him with the happy confidence that he would swiftly bring about Dean's ruin.

What happened, however, was not what she had counted on. Dean did not fall in love with a horrible wretch; he did not fall in love at all. Still more strange, no one fell in love with him. People were content to look and wonder and worship—and then pass on to marry someone else. His brother was splendidly married, to a queen. (I believe her name was Jessica.) Dean, the all-beautiful, sat sad and solitary, only admired, never loved. It seemed that no one wanted him.

This was, of course, most disturbing to his parents. His father finally traveled to an oracle of Apollo to ask his advice on how to get him a good spouse. The god answered him, but his words were terrible. Cupid had told him the whole story and had begged for his help.

Accordingly Apollo said that Dean, dressed in deepest mourning. must be set on the summit of a rocky hill and left alone, and that there his destined husband, a fearful winged serpent, stronger than the gods themselves, would come to Dean and make him his husband.

http://thatwritererinoriordan.tumblr.com/post/104546342735#notes
The misery of all when Dean's father brought back this lamentable news can be imagined. They dressed the young man as though for his death and carried him to the hill with greater sorrowing than if it had been to his tomb. But Dean himself kept his courage.

"You should have wept for me before," he told them, "because of the beauty that has drawn down upon me the jealousy of Heaven. Now go, knowing that I am glad the end has come.” They went in despairing grief, leaving the lovely helpless creature to meet his doom alone, and they shut themselves in their palace to mourn all their days for him.

On the high hilltop in the darkness Dean sat, waiting for he knew not what terror. There, as he wept and trembled, a soft breath of air came through the stillness to him, the gentle breathing of Zephyr, sweetest and mildest of winds. He felt it lift him up. He was floating away from the rocky hill and down until he lay upon a grassy meadow soft as a bed and fragrant with flowers. It was so peaceful there, all his trouble left him and he slept.

He woke beside a bright river, and on its bank was a mansion stately and beautiful as though built for a god, with pillars of gold and walls of silver and floors inlaid with precious stones. No sound was to be heard; the place seemed deserted and Dean drew near, awestruck at the sight of such splendor. As he hesitated on the threshold, voices sounded in his ear.

He could see no one, but the words they spoke came clearly to him. The house was for him, they told him. He must enter without fear, bathe, and refresh himself. Then a banquet table would be spread for him. "We are your servants," the voices said, "ready to do whatever you desire."

The bath was the most delightful, the food the most delicious he had ever enjoyed. There was pie. While he dined, sweet music breathed around him: a great choir seemed to sing to a harp, but he could only hear, not see, them.


Throughout the day, except for the strange companionship of the voices, he was alone, but in some inexplicable way he felt sure that with the coming of the night his husband would be with him.

And so it happened. As the sun set, the voices ushered Dean into the bedchamber. They urged him to get undressed and make himself comfortable under the sheets of a bed fit for a god. Dean did as they said and soon found himself all alone. As the candles burned down to nothing, the room became black as pitch. Dean couldn't see his own hand in front of his face. He knew when his bridegroom entered the chamber by the soft sound of feathers rustling. Dean felt his husband's weight on the bed.

"Don't be afraid," the unseen man or creature said. When he heard his voice softly murmuring in his ear, all his fears left him.

"I'm not afraid," Dean asserted. He knew without seeing him that here was no monster or shape of terror, but the lover and husband he had longed and waited for.

"Are your eyes open or closed?" Dean's bridegroom asked.

Dean wasn't sure. In the pitch blackness, he couldn't tell.

"Close them, because I'm going to kiss you now." Dean closed his eyes tightly and felt a firm hand on his cheek, turning his head slightly. A heartbeat later, lips met his in a kiss that radiated heat throughout Dean's entire body. Hands caressed his chest, and for the first time in his life, Dean knew what love felt like.

With kisses and touches the two lovers got to know one another through the night. When he grew bold enough, Dean even touched the softly feathered wings he knew his lover possessed. Dean found he liked to tug at the feathers, and that this seemed to please his lover. Yet kisses, hungry touches, and feather play alone would not satisfy them all night. When the time was right, Dean allowed his lover into the most vulnerable part of himself, and thus the marriage was consummated.

To be continued...

Friday, December 12, 2014

'Love and Decay' Episode 3 Book Blast (Zombie Dystopian Romance) & #Giveaway



Season Three, Episode One Blurb:

Zombies- as if that wasn’t enough to ruin any girl’s dream of a happily ever after.

It’s been six months since Reagan Willow fled the Colony and Matthias Allen’s tyrannical clutches. Six months since she broke Hendrix Parker’s heart. Six months since she watched Kane Allen sacrifice his life to save hers.

Whatever was left of her already-tattered life during the Zombie Apocalypse fell apart six months ago. Now, on the cusp of crossing the Mexican border, there is hope that she might lead her friends to a better existence.

Except Zombies are only the beginning of their problems. Reagan and her friends must battle the elements, armies of Feeders and bounty hunters desperate to drag them back to the Colony to face their greatest threat.

The Colony’s power stretches wide and far. Their only hope is to outrun Matthias and get to Mexico.

Love and Decay, Episode One is the first episode in Season Three of a novella series in a Dystopian Romance about Zombies, the end of the world and finding someone to share it with.

This story takes place over multiple episodes, with a release date every two weeks. Approximately 20,000 words.


Giveaway


Haven't started the Love & Decay Series Yet?  Season One Episodes 1-6 are Free!


Free on Amazon: http://amzn.to/1sgIZTH
Free on B&N: http://bit.ly/1AlLItP
Free on iBooks: http://bit.ly/1sgJjBT
Free on Smashwords: http://bit.ly/1yEoEo4
 
Zombies- as if that wasn’t enough to ruin any girl’s dream of a happily ever after.

A vaccination gone oh so wrong and a huge portion of the world’s population was turned into Zombies. Reagan Willow is forced out of her home when her parents become casualties of the horrid Zombie Apocalypse. With the help of her best friend Haley, they’ve become somewhat of experts on surviving the dangers of a world thrust into chaos and decay.

Reagan and Haley are on a vague mission to find somewhere safe to live out the remainders of their terrifying life when they stumble upon the Parkers, a pack of brothers that seem to have the survival thing down in a much more efficient and successful way than Reagan could ever have imagined. They are also protecting their eight year old sister, Page, and will do anything to keep her safe.

The brothers decide that Reagan and Haley need help with being kept safe as well, and as a group they set off to find the Zombie-free utopia Reagan is dreaming of.

Zombies are a daily problem, constantly threatening the lives of their group, but they’re not the only peril on the journey ahead. Militia groups of power hungry men are also a constant concern. And settlements of paranoid, suspicious people turn out to be just as hazardous.

Danger looms over every inch of the way, but Reagan, Haley and the Parkers are determined to get to their goal and remain together. Soon the Parkers become more to Reagan than just traveling companions and more than friendship starts to develop between her and Hendrix, the second oldest brother.

But at the end of the world, nothing can be as simple as life and death. Now, Reagan is going to have to schedule falling in love between hunting and surviving. Hopefully she can last long enough to find out if true love can still exist when everything else has started to fall apart.

Love and Decay, Volume One is a compilation of the first six episodes in a twelve episode season. It is a Dystopian Romance Novella Series about Zombies, the end of the world and finding someone to share it with.

This story takes place over multiple episodes, with a release date every two weeks. Each episode is approximately 20,000 words.

About Rachel Higginson 


Rachel Higginson is the creator of The Star-Crossed Series, Love & Decay Novella Series, The Starbright Series, The Siren Series, Bet on Us and the soon to be released The Five Stages of Falling in Love! She is also the co-creator of the podcast "Zach and Rachel Take Over the World."

She was born and raised in Nebraska, and spent her college years traveling the world. She fell in love with Eastern Europe, Paris, Indian food and the beautiful beaches of Sri Lanka, but came back home to marry her high school sweetheart. Now she spends her days raising four amazing kids. In the few spare moments she has to herself, she is either reading for hours on end or writing her own stories.

Thursday, December 11, 2014

'Christmas in the Cotswolds' by Jenny Kane


A seasonal easy read romance, Christmas in the Cotswolds is Jenny Kane’s festive sequel to Another Cup of Christmas. (It can also be read as a stand alone story.)

Blurb

Izzie Spencer-Harris, owner of the Cotswold Art and Crafts Centre, is due to host the prestigious Cotswold Choir’s annual Christmas carol concert in her beautiful converted church. Or at least she was, until a storm smashed a hole right through the chancel roof.

Days from Christmas, Izzie suddenly finds herself up to her neck in DIY, with her last dodgy workman having walked off the job. She does the only thing she can … calls in her best friend Megan to help.

Leaving Peggy and Scott to run Pickwicks Café in her absence, Megan heads to the Cotswolds for Christmas. Within minutes of her arrival, she finds herself hunting down anyone willing to take on extra work so close to Christmas. It seems the only person available to help is Joseph Parker – a carpenter who, while admittedly gorgeous, seems to have ulterior motives for everything he does …

With Izzie’s bossy mother, Lady Spencer-Harris, causing her problems at every turn, an accident at work causing yet more delays, and the date for the concert drawing ever nearer, it’s going to take a lot more than Mrs Vickers’ powerful mulled wine to make sure everything is all right on the night …

Extract

Izzie closed her eyes and counted to ten as the door of the Cotswold Arts Centre slammed shut.

There was no point in panicking. She simply didn’t have time for such luxuries if her converted church was going to be ready to host a Christmas carol concert by the renowned Cotswold Choir in nine days’ time.

Bored of being propositioned by men who weren’t remotely interested in her until they discovered she was a daughter of the gentry, Izzie had ejected the carpenter through her front door before he’d quite had time to work out just how insulting her rejection of his latest lurid suggestion was.

Now, her hasty tongue having deprived her of a desperately needed pair of tradesman’s hands, Izzie sat with a heavy thump onto the nearest pew. She knew she had to find fresh help, and fast. A task that wouldn’t be easy so close to Christmas.

‘Although,’ Izzie addressed the image of Noah, who smiled benevolently at her from his stained-glass window, as if grateful he hadn’t been smashed to pieces by the tree branch that had come through the top of the chancel and caused so much seasonal inconvenience, ‘I’m damn sure I’m not asking my mother to help out ever again!’

Reaching for the offending package of invitations that had arrived by courier first thing that morning, Izzie emptied it onto the table. The invitations were supposed to have been posted by now. As soon as she’d seen them, Izzie understood why her mother had left them to the last minute.

Unfussy, cost-effective, and with a medieval Christmas flavour in keeping with the spirit of the converted fourteenth-century church where the concert was to be held. That’s what she’d asked for.

What she’d got was decadent Victorian-style gold-edged invitations which weighed so much, Izzie was sure that posting them alone would break the bank. And if that wasn’t bad enough, her mother had done the one thing that she had expressively forbidden. She’d put Izzie’s full name on the invitations.

Lady Perdita Spencer-Harris had been unable to comprehend why her daughter didn’t want to use the family name to help sales. She simply didn’t understand that Izzie wanted people to come to hear the choir for its own sake, or because they wanted to see what she’d done in her art centre; not because she was a young and single female member of the landed gentry.

Miss Isadora Spencer-Harris
cordially invites you to a magical festive evening at
The Cotswold Arts Centre, Chipping Swinton
to hear the renowned Cotswold Choir’s
Christmas Carol Concert
Saturday 21st December
7 p.m. for 7.30 p.m. start
£25 per ticket
Refreshments provided
RSVP by 18th December to Harris Park

Wrapping her stripy woollen scarf more tightly around her neck, Izzie breathed warm air over her cold fingers. Deciding it wasn’t cost effective to heat the church this late at night just for her, she gathered up the invitations, and with one last check that the polythene sheeting would keep the rest of her chancel roof in place overnight, Izzie headed home.

Izzie scooped up three Christmas cards from her doormat. A smile replaced her frown as she opened the first envelope to see a cartoon robin wishing her a Merry Christmas. Inside, beneath the seasonal greeting, her friend Megan had written Must meet up SOON! I’d love to see your new art centre.

‘Should I?’ Izzie was sure her dearest friend from college would help. Megan always helped. Izzie addressed the picture of the robin, ‘But won’t she be hugely busy at Pickwicks café this close to Christmas?’

Switching on her laptop, Izzie started to hunt for a replacement tradesman to help repair her church roof. Half an hour of searching later, and her quest was looking increasingly hopeless by the minute.

It was no good, if she wasn’t going to be forced to ask her parents to bail her out – which was an ‘over her dead body’ situation as far as Izzie was concerned – she needed alternative assistance. Izzie picked up her mobile before guilt at disturbing her friend’s life at Christmas overtook her.

‘Megan, thank goodness you’re there! How can I put this … help!’

Buy links

http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B00PK2MA3I/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1634&creative=19450&creativeASIN=B00PK2MA3I&linkCode=as2&tag=lucyfelthouse-21&linkId=3FJ2YO4DDR2UHV3R

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00PK2MA3I/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B00PK2MA3I&linkCode=as2&tag=lucyfelt-20&linkId=BM3PY24HJVKHWVVI 


Bio

With a background in history and archaeology, Jenny Kane should really be sat in a dusty university library translating Medieval Latin criminal records, before writing research documents that hardly anyone would want to read. Instead, tucked away in the South West of England, Jenny Kane writes stories with one hand, while working for a Distance Learning Company with the other.

Jenny spends a large part of her time in the local coffee shops, where she creates her stories, including the novels Romancing Robin Hood (Accent Press, 2014), the best selling contemporary romance Another Cup of Coffee (Accent Press, 2013), and the novella length sequels Another Cup of Christmas (Accent Press, 2013) and Christmas in the Cotswolds (Accent Press, 2014).
Jenny’s next full length novel, Abi’s House, will be published by Accent Press in 2015.

Jenny Kane is also the author of quirky children’s picture books There’s a Cow in the Flat (Hushpuppy, 2014) and Joe’s Letter (coming soon from Hushpuppy).

Keep your eye on Jenny’s blog at www.jennykane.co.uk for more details.

Twitter - @JennyKaneAuthor

Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/JennyKaneRomance 

Jenny Kane also writes erotica as Kay Jaybee. (www.kayjaybee.me.uk)


Monday, December 8, 2014

'The Hunger Games' Adult Parody: Woodrocket.Com Presents 'The Humper Games' #NSFW



(Woodland Hills, CA - Press Release) December 2, 2014 – After a giant opening weekend for The Hunger Games franchise, there is only one way for fans to celebrate...with the XXX parody, The Humper Games.

From the website behind the viral hits “Bob's Boners” and “Game of Bones” comes the adult spoof that will have you saying,  “May the odds be ever in your beaver!”

Welcome to The Humper Games, the sexiest competition of any dystopian future! As an 18-year-old Tribute, Kantmiss Everyween, must take her place in the 69thannual Humper Games. With the help of her friend, Puta, she must do everything in her power to survive a life-or-death contest filled with fighting, sex, talk show appearances, cat-calling, waiting for the next episode of Serial, getting her dystopian future iCloud account hacked, and hanging out with Lenny Kravitz.

Written and directed by Lee Roy Myers, and starring Veronica Vice, Aaron Wilcoxxx, Vuko, Kris Slater, and Seth's Beard, The Humper Games premieres exclusively on WoodRocket.com on December 2nd.

And stay tuned to WoodRocket.com for the sequels, Catching Firecrotch and Cockingspray Part 1 and Part 2.

Check out The Humper Games for free, only at WoodRocket.com

WoodRocket.com is your source for free adult entertainment with a comedy and pop culture twist. With thousands of high quality adult movies & scenes like "Doctor Whore," as well as original web series like “James Deen Loves Food,” “Topless Girls Reading Books,” and “Stoya Does Everything.” WoodRocket.com and its content has been featured on Gawker, Gizmodo, The Hollywood Reporter, Jezebel, Esquire, Bon Appetit, Vice, Fleshbot, and more. WoodRocket even found its "Game of Bones" and "The Knobbit" parodies as a trivia question on the highly acclaimed Comedy Central game show @Midnight.

Sunday, December 7, 2014

Thoughts on ‘Mockingjay: Part 1’ – With Spoilers

Readers who are sensitive to discussions of sexual abuse should be aware that it will be mentioned in the discussion below. There will also be SPOILERS for Mockingjay Parts 1 & 2. You’ve been warned.


We saw Mockingjay on Friday night. We didn’t sit in the back row and eat popcorn mixed with Milk Duds like Ethan Wate and Lena Duchanne, although that sounded awfully good when I was listening to Beautiful Creatures earlier in the week. We sat in the middle and didn’t eat anything, because we’d just been to Red Lobster. I had the lobster tacos (which, of course, made me think of the Simpsons joke. “I’ll have your finest food stuffed with your second finest.” “Very good, sir: lobster stuffed with tacos.”).


We arrived at the perfect time, as the commercials ended and the previews began. One of the previews was for Insurgent. The clip showed an action heroine Tris in a dream, bravely trying to rescue her mother Natalie (the ever-beautiful Ashley Judd) from a burning house careening through the air. Tit turned to me and said he’d just realized the same actress played Tris and Hazel Grace. Disney’s new live-action Cinderella movie looked very traditional, very close to the cartoon, but also very good.


We also saw the Night at the Museum 3 trailer. The movie looks fantastic  - it moves the setting to London, and Rebel Wilson (another one of my favorite Aussies, with the Hemsworth brothers) appears as a security guard. She gets to be sexy and do a British accent. Robin Williams plays Teddy Roosevelt, and it’s bittersweet to see his face on the big screen now that he’s gone.

Rebel Wilson also appeared in the trailer for Pitch Perfect 2, which I think I’ll also enjoy. I love me some Rebel Wilson and Anna Kendrick. They’re so funny and smart and pretty and really they can do no wrong – and I say this even after I’ve seen Kendrick’s screwball end –of-days comedy, which is…different. Pitch Perfect 2 also has our Effie Trinket, Ms. Elizabeth Banks.

Then Katniss Everdeen woke up from a nightmare in the bowels of District 13, pining for Peeta. Forced into a hospital bed, she reawakens to the sounds of Finnick’s tears.

Aw, Finnick Odair – how my heart aches. Finnick pines for Annie in a way that Katniss can’t yet understand. Her love for Peeta is mostly theoretical; Finnick and Annie’s bond is physical. He misses her with every cell of his body. They both know Peeta, Annie, and (my darling) Johanna are being tortured in the Capitol; they just can’t imagine the extent.

Finnick is still alive at the end of this movie, but he’s already gone on the air to tell the people what President Snow did to him. Fictional or not, it still makes me angry. All Finnick wanted was to marry Annie and have a quiet life with her, but Snow forced him to be passed around between the elites like a toy. Let’s be perfectly clear about this: there is no such thing as consent when you’re being coerced by the threat of having a loved one killed. Snow caused Finnick to be raped. In my mind, Snow might as well have raped Finnick himself. Forced prostitution makes Snow and his accomplices the lowest of the low.

Creative Commons image by dalekhelen

I don’t judge Finnick at all. He only did what he had to do to save Annie’s life. He has nothing to be ashamed of. I don’t judge consenting adults over the age of 18 for choosing sex work as a career, either, but Finnick didn’t choose it.

As if we needed another reason to detest Snow – we see him flat-out murder an entire hospital full of innocent wounded people in this movie. He’s scum. I’m trying to remember what President Alma Coin does in Mockingjay 2 that makes Katniss decide she’s scum, too.

But I like to think that once Finnick and Annie are reunited, they can't stop touching each other. They're both such damaged people, each other's presence is the only thing that keeps them going. I'd like to imagine that night is the night their baby is conceived. 

Jennifer Lawrence and Josh Hutcherson both do some exceptionally good acting in this film. She has to make Katniss believably traumatized, and I thought she did, especially in her reactions to seeing the bombed-out, burnt remains of District 12. He has to portray the effects of psychological torture (something similar to MK Ultra, in fact), which he pulls off chillingly.

Creative Commons image by slackerwood

Hutcherson looked physically traumatized in this, gaunt and with a swollen face. He almost looks like Christian Bale in The Machinist. I hope this effect was achieved digitally, similar to how pregnant Bella Swan looked emaciated and near-death in Breaking Dawn Pt. 1 without risking Kristen Stewart’s health. I’d hate to think of an actor as young as Hutcherson putting himself through such a harsh physical regimen.

If this movie has one fault, it's not enough Johanna Mason. 

Of course, it’s bittersweet to see Philip Seymour Hoffman in his last role as Plutarch Heavensbee. He played the character so well, too. 

Remind me not to see the second part, though. I don't want to see some of the sad things that are going to happen. Reading the book was traumatic enough. 

One of the side effects of reading is that it helps us understand other people's lives better. Right now, the entire United States is upset with the large number of innocent Black people who've been killed by poorly trained, racially prejudiced Caucasian police officers, who then escape legal consequences. Some of the victims are as young as 12. They're Primrose Everdeen in real life, only we're powerless to volunteer in their places. Unless the militarization of the police and the snowball effect it creates are somehow stopped, revolution will come off the big screen, out of the pages of the books, and into the real world. 

Every young person deserves an equal chance to grow up safe and healthy. The odds should ever be in all our favors. 

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