Part 1 here.
Originally, I hadn't planned on writing a second part to this, but then I got feedback from Shawarma-Palace. (I'm still too new to Tumblr to know the whole Irrelevant community by their real names.) She (please correct me if that's not the appropriate pronoun) wrote:
"Some of these points are valid, and some of them I'd like to have a little more information on why they drew that particular conclusion. I love learning about headcanon.
"I don't think Marconi needs any duct tape. He has swarm and endless amusement at everything to hold the universe together."
Naturally, when one says to the fiction writer, "I want to know more about what you wrote," this prompts the fiction writer to want to write more. Self-indulgent? Heck yeah - but self-indulgent writing is one of the prerogatives of the blogger. It's fun for me, and perhaps a good exercise, to try to understand the reasons why I made the choices I made.
Also, as kmmerc pointed out, I skipped Leon Tao. How could I forget Leon? I kinda had a thing for Ken Leung, the actor portraying Leon, when he was Miles on Lost. S.P.'s suggestion is that Leon would be "super-manic and ADD" and a multi-tasker who might turn on the TV mid-coitus to check his stocks. Leon's seeming inability to stay out of trouble for stretches of longer than five minutes, even at great peril to himself, certainly makes him seem that way. There's also a sweetness to Leon, though, underneath his surface smartass; he does seem to be genuinely grateful to Reese for saving his life.
So Leon would probably insist on going back to your place; no way would he let you see any of the secret, illegal things he's got going on at his place - and he hasn't bothered to clean up his empty Chinese food cartons in a few weeks, either. He'd make himself at home at your place, and yes, he'd probably turn on your TV without asking first, whether the two of you were already naked or not. A manic lover? Yeah, I can see that: hands everywhere, lots of position changes, unsystematic defiling of every surface in the apartment capable of supporting two rutting humans. That's what "super-manic and ADD" implies to me.
Harold Finch? That a lover would have to make allowances for his physical injuries seems pretty obvious. Canon-wise, you can't actually have Finch, 'cause he's still in love with Grace Hendricks and probably will be for the rest of his life.
Grace, of course, believes Finch to be dead, so if you could seduce her with mid-January ice cream and somehow charm your way into a date with her, I think you'd find Grace to be a little lonely. She'd want to be with you, but you'd have to make the first move, because in her mind being with someone else still seems a little disloyal to Harold. She's an artist, which means she's into aesthetics, which means she's probably a regular waxer, like Kara Stanton. (With Stanton, it's all about control. She's compelled to seek the upper hand in everything she does, and even her own body must submit to her iron will.) It's been a while since she's had a lover, so when you make Grace come, she comes hard. Is she naturally a top or a bottom? I'm not sure; she knew Finch pre-injuries, so she wouldn't have run into the situation where she always had to be on top.
It seems to be canon that Nathan Ingram likes to party; I don't think that surprises anyone. When I'mTheContingency and I played Eff Marry Kill, I said I'd fuck Nathan 'cause he looked like he'd be fun. He just looks like he'd be fun. I don't think it surprises anyone that Will Ingram is one of the youngest characters on the show. Youngest doesn't automatically mean least experienced; that's just something I project onto Will because he seems like a fairly sweet, "save the world" type. Not that you can't be a driven do-gooder and still get laid. Will is just so young. Like a young guy, Will would have tons of heart and enthusiasm (and stamina), but maybe he'd still be a teensy bit shy, inhibiting his creativity.
John Reese? I base a lot of my assumptions on a) he's still getting over Jessica, to whom he was stubbornly loyal even though they were together a relatively short time, and b) he's grateful for his friendship with Finch. Without a purpose in life, he becomes semi-suicidal? Yeah, that's a codependent person, someone who needs to be in a relationship to feel like a person at all. So, yeah, he's happy when you pay any attention to him at all.
Josselyn Carter was one of the hardest ones for me to write, and it's because I respect this character so much as a person. She seems to have the most well-developed, least flexible morality, and I respect her for that. She thinks of herself as a mom first, so no, she's not just going to hop into bed with you unless you've done something to earn her attention and proven yourself worthy. I'm a little in awe of Carter, honestly, so it's harder to get so down and dirty with her. Sex with Joss Carter requires a certain sense of responsibility - which is why Cal Beecher was never going to get it.
My Lionel Fusco theory is that the guy who maybe doesn't seem like the most traditionally handsome guy will work really hard to impress you because he feels a little insecure, and lo and behold, he's actually kind of amazing.
Now your sociopaths, Anthony Marconi and Root - just the sheer level of crazy there makes me think that trying to interact with them would be a challenge. If you really think about it, Root has probably completely sublimated her sex drive into something more intellectually stimulating to her, and sex really doesn't interest her because she hates humans, with the possible exception of Harold Finch. She may consider "Harry" the only person worthy of her attention, even though he's useful to her only as far as she can manipulate and control him. And that is why my 3-sentence fiction prompt for Shawarma-Palace was, "what I really want is for someone to write three sentences of Finch/Root angry hate sex." I can imagine Root manipulating Finch into it. I would feel bad for him, but...you can do things to fictional characters that would be horrible in real life.
...and this Tony Marconi, clearly, does not give a fuck about anyone. You can tell this about him from how easy it was for him to kidnap Carter's son Taylor. Smarm, definitely. Endless amusement at everything? More like bottomless pit of self-interest, tinged with bat-shit crazy. He doesn't need the duct tape, but I think he just likes the sound it makes when he tears it off the roll.
Carl Elias, on the other hand, doesn't have the bat-shit crazy. He's not the impulsive type of evil; he's the cold, calculating type, and I suspect he can turn it off when he chooses to. I do think his mother's murder occupies a huge space in his psyche, and that it affects the way he thinks about women. Now, you can only push this so far - he did appear to be willing to let baby Leila freeze the death in the back of that truck, despite what he said to Reese. (Could he really have known for sure that Reese could get out of the cuffs and get to the baby? I tend to think not. I tend to think "I knew you wouldn't let anything happen to her" was a lie.) Elias isn't anybody you're going to fall in love with - hey, none of these characters are; they all have damages - but is it safe to spend a weekend with him? Yeah, probably.
Marconi's apparent loyalty to Elias also keeps Marconi's behavior in check in Elias' presence, so you could probably get both of them as a package deal for the weekend, if you were so inclined. Let's face it: unpredictability can be attractive in small doses; it's exciting. That's the appeal of Marconi.
It's also, a tiny bit, the appeal of Officer Patrick Simmons. Simmons, clearly, is dangerous, and oh-so-willing to stab poor Fusco in the back to save himself. Simmons is married and has young kids - not to mention his time-consuming involvement with HR - so you can't really date him, but you could meet him for a quickie at a cheap hotel. He would almost certainly handcuff you to something - Simmons loves control almost as much as Stanton does, and power itself is exciting to him - but he would not care if you came before he did. I'm kind of into Simmons, but I'm perfectly aware this is a masochistic impulse.
That Mark Snow would treat you with low-key hostility is based on his relationship with his CIA partner, Tyrell Evans. Snow would not let the man have any coffee (reminding us just a tad of Alec Baldwin in Glengarry Glen Ross). Stanton is all about control - self-control and control over whoever else wanders into her field of vision - and that's what Snow aspires to, but hasn't quite achieved. He wants loyal colleagues who carry out his orders, but obviously he doesn't get it, 'cause Stanton smells fear and straps him into a bomb vest. There's definitely an incompleteness and a vulnerability to him, but more in a cold way than in a sweet Leon way.
Alicia Corwin was the beautiful woman in the office you always wanted to ask out, but you never did, because you figured she'd probably just reject you anyway. Even if, somehow, you did get a date with Alicia, she'd kiss you good night and send you on your way, 'cause she's way too paranoid to feel comfortable doing anything as vulnerable as taking her clothes off in front of you. Rest in peace, Alicia. You deserved better than Root.
Zoe Morgan is a fixer, so of course she's going to be goal-oriented. She has a fun side, too, and her fun side would drink your good Scotch. Also, she looks like she's really good at kissing. I do not think Reese was disappointed when Zoe kissed him. (Well, maybe the first time, but only because he thought he was about to die. He forgave her.)
Nicholas Donnelly and Bill Szymanski - well, we barely got to know them. Donnelly has the hot phone-sex voice; that's about all I know. And he tried to be a good guy - misguided, perhaps, but not ill-intentioned. His lack of malice makes me think he'd be - maybe not quite Nathan-fun, but willing and adventurous. Szymanski - I don't know; I guess I'm reacting to the stern-sounding character he plays in the Geico commercials. Remember Detective Don Brodka, the store security guard who caught Bart shoplifting on The Simpsons? In my mind, Szymanski is a little bit Don Brodka.
Those are my impressions. I'm curious to read what other people think, though. Did that clear anything up, or just make it murkier?
Mr. Finch, you're doing one of these too, right?