Monday, March 31, 2014

Classic Adult Film Review: Ultra Flesh (1980)

Author's Note: I wrote this movie review in 2008. It originally appeared online in the now-defunct Lucrezia Magazine. - Erin O'Riordan

We’re going down, down in an earlier round, and sugar, we’re going down swinging.

Dr. Atkins would be proud of the sugar-busting, classic adult film Ultra Flesh.  It was released in 1980 (VCX/Collector’s Video).  It stars ‘80s porn sensation Seka, along with Jamie Gillis and Ty Horn, and also features Ron Jeremy and Candida Royalle (whose Blue Magic is still my favorite adult film ever).

Seka in 2007. Creative Commons image via Lukeisback.com
Ultra Flesh begins the way Star Wars does, with a legend scrolling slowly across a star-flecked background.  The legend reads:

“Early in the 1990's a crisis hit the world...of such proportions, that every country on Earth was in danger of being annihilated.  At first the conflict between the United States, Russia and China was inevitable.  The populations of all countries were being decimated; and the culprit?  No one seemed to know.  It wasn’t famine or disease, and it wasn’t war.”

A reporter on TV further elaborates: “The issue here is sex, or rather, the lack of sex.”  She’s being watched by the President of the United States and his advisors.  They fear there may be a Communist plot behind the sudden rash of erectile dysfunction affecting the world.  The President, as played by Ty Horn, anticipates Will Ferrell playing George W. Bush on Saturday Night Live. Remember, this was written in the early years of Ronald Reagan’s presidency, and in the days before the little blue pill.

Communism is not the problem, though.  The real culprit is “Mr. Sugarman,” ostensibly the head of a Latin American sugarcane cartel.  But, as the brilliant and busty scientist Dr. Wisenall discovers, Sugarman is actually an alien from the icy planet Freon, paving the way for an alien invasion by keeping the world addicted to sugar.

Creative Commons image by Thomas Rosenau.
To combat this intergalactic plot, the good aliens of the Galactic Federation (one of whom strongly resembles a giant Gumby) recruit Ultra Flesh (Seka).  They arm her with a weaponized vagina and a fantasy so powerful, it allows her to overcome even the worst of bad sex.  They send her to Earth to restore human men to vitality and to destroy Sugarman.

Ultra’s sexual healing begins with the POTUS, his advisors, and a cadre of Russian diplomats.  She extends her services to the common man as well (wearing a fabulous pearl-encrusted peek-a-boo bra, no less).  But eventually even Ultra gets tired of fucking and sucking.  The Federation sends hordes of naked Fleshettes to Earth to assist her.

Ultra and the Fleshettes are noble beings, altruistic in their quest to keep Earth men hard and thus keep Earth women happy.  Yet they truly enjoy their work at the same time, and their selfless acts give them infinite pleasure.

Sugarman and his short-statured henchmen, by contrast, are selfish, cruel, crude and misogynistic. Sugarman is played by Jamie Gillis, whom The Big Book of Porn calls “the ‘go-to-guy’ when the script called for a rapist or psychopath.”  But he underestimates Ultra, and like Jane Fonda’s Barbarella, she destroys him with her capacity to enjoy sex.

Ultra Flesh isn’t a perfect film, but Ultra is a wonderfully written character.  Like the young heroine of Teeth (the 2007 film starring Jess Weixler), she can use her pussy for fun or for revenge, depending on the worthiness of her lover.

Unlike the teen in Teeth, though, Ultra has always known the full extent of her powers, which makes her an even greater vaginal superheroine.  When Ultra takes command, no force in the universe can stop her.


Sources

Grahame-Smith, Seth.  The Big Book of Porn.  Quirk Books, 2005.


Ultra Flesh Product Description, VCX website.  Accessed April 6, 2009.  http://www.vcx.com/store/detail.aspx?id=260&SearchCriteria=Ultra%20flesh&Headerlink=1

Ventura, Varla.  Sheroes: Bold, Brash, and Absolutely Unabashed Superwomen from Susan B. Anthony to Xena.  Conari Press, 1998.


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